Fan-Fiction Theater 3000 EPISODE: 001 -- The Pilot! Today's Victim: Falkyn -- Chapter 1 by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) MSTed by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) and Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Disclaimer: The Real Ghostbusters are owned by Sony/DIC and Mystery Science Theatre 3K is owned by Best Brains inc., and we hope they don't mind us using their characters and settings. FFT3K Theme Song [cue MST3K track] In the not-too-distant future way out and deep in space A mysterious android, name is D, Is in a dark and lonely place Stuck up on SoL, all alone, Why not do an E.T. and grab a phone? He ran some tests until some me-te-ors Made the satellite home for the Ghost-bust-ers... (Peter: "IT'S RAY'S FAULT!!!") (Ray: "IS NOT!") "I'm reading cheesy fanfics, The worst, I can find,(LA LA LA) We'll have to sit and read them all, Or you'll gradually lose your mind!" (LA LA LA) Now keep in mind, the 'busters can't control Where the fanfics begin or end, (LA LA LA) D'll try to keep the sanity Of his newfound 'busting friends! GB Roll Call! Spengler! (We're on!) Zeddemore! (Oh, man!) Ray Stantz! (Check this out...HAI-KEEBA!) Venkmaaaaaan! (Hey, baby!) If you're wonderin' how they eat and breathe And other science facts, Just tell yourself, "It's just a MST," And you should really just relax. For Fan Fiction Theater, 3000! [Guitar twang] Peter: It should be The Real Ghostbusters 3000! *KBANG* Peter: OOOOF! [D retracts the Rocket Fist] STARRING: Spengler, Egon, Dr. 6'3" Blond hair, blue eyes (which happen to be myopic, hence the red glasses) A genius with an exaggerated I.Q. Contains multiple degrees in the field of parapsychology and physics. He is responsible for the creation of the proton packs and the ecto-containment unit. Stantz, Ray, Dr. 5'8" Red hair, brown eyes The youngest member of the group, second to Egon in holding multiple degrees. He specializes in engineering and occult sciences. Egon once said he had the mental state of a six year old. Venkman, Peter, Dr. 5'10" Dk. Brown hair, green eyes All-around idiot (no kidding, Peter: HEY!) Amazingly, he has two Ph.D's, one in psychology and the other in parapsychology. He's actually smarter than he pretends to be. Most trouble they're in, is because of Peter. Zeddemore, Winston, Dr. 5'11" Black hair, brown eyes The only member of the group who doesn't have a Ph.D, he earned his 'Dr' title as an honorary member of Columbia University. The only member of the group who has common sense (Winston: Damn straight!). D 6'0" No hair, yellow eyes A Model 27 High-Density Productivity Android that took residence at the abandoned Satellite of Love. How or why he's there, no one knows. Looks like a cross between Adam of Shining Force and Data from ST: TNG. * * * * [Out in space, the experimenal Ecto-1000, piloted by the famous Ghostbusters (C), encounters a meteor shower. Needless to say, the Ecto-1k is damaged severely, and crashes into a space station, which has been uninhabited for a long time. After checking out he extent of the damage, Egon Spengler reports it to his fellows.] Egon: The Ecto-1000 has suffered extensive damage. I fear that we will be marooned here for a while, where ever here is. Peter: Crap! And I had a date tonight too! Ray: At least we're safe. Winston: That's true. [The four busily discuss their predicament, unaware of the figure slowly coming close] D: Welcome to my vault! Ghostbusters: GYAH! Peter: Don't DO that! Ray: Who-or what-are you? D: I am a Model 27 High-Density Productivity Android. You may call me D. This is formerly known as the "Satellite of Love", but when it was abandoned, I took up residence, and renamed it the "Vault of Fan-Fiction", or "VoFF". Winston: Uh, okay, D. Since we'll be here for a while, what do you do to pass the time? D: I read works of fan-fiction and comment on various continuity and other errors. Peter: Mind if we join you for one? D: As you wish, Mr. Venkman. Peter: How'd he know my last name? Egon: Don't look at me. D: If I may quote Mike Nelson: "Movie sign!" Follow me to the Mystery Science Theater, which I now call the Fan-Fiction Theater. Winston: I hope we don't regret this... Peter: Don't we usually? [Door sequence] [1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6] [They trail in and sit down] > Falkyn -- Chapter 1 > By: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) > >________________________________________________________ > > In the country of YahKii, on Island Minor in the R'itni Islands, Peter: Mrs. Peacock did it in the kitchen, with the candle stick in the dark! Egon: That did not sound quite right. D: I thought it was Colonel Mustard in the dining room with the lead pipe. > the day was a normal day for everyone: shops sold their wares, >friends conversed with each other, inns and taverns served their patrons, >and travelers came and went. Peter: --They sacrificed a few virgins to the goddess, Hestia. Borrowed a few cups of sugar from the farmer down the lane-- Winston: [just looks at Peter funny] Egon: Hestia wouldn't accept virgin sacrifices-- Ray: Egon...don't egg him on! > In one tavern on the outskirts of Teri, the capital city, entered a >man clothed entirely in black. His face had no covering, Ray: No covering? See what bathing in acid can get you kiddies, NO FACE! Peter: Ray, not now! D: There's another character in this series who has that condition. >showing the dark brown hair that got in his face, his deep green eyes that >radiated an unseen Winston: Brown hair, green eyes? Peter, is there something you're not telling us?! Peter: Uh... >power, and the numerous scars of varying size, shape, and direction that >covered his face. Ray: Talk about looking like 12 miles of bad road. > He walked to an empty stool and took a seat. Winston: (man) Dis here's my seat! GIMME! > The bartender came over and asked, "What'll you be havin'?" Egon: A shot to the head, thank you! Winston: [glares at Egon] Don't start, man. Egon: Sorry. > The man replied, "Water," in a low tone. Peter: (man) Rosebud! D: (man) Anything for laryngitis? > The bartender was about to hand him his drink when a large shadow came >over them. "Y-you'd better get offa that stool!" he stammered. Ray: Wait, who stammered? The man on the stool or the bartender?! Winston: It had to be the bartender, why would the man stammer about the stool?! Egon: It was Professor Plum! Peter: Don't even try it! D: Plum? Him? It had to be Mrs. White! > The man turned to see a six-and-a-half-foot tall man standing before >him. His hair was dirty red, as was his beard and moustache. His leather >jacket was ripped and torn in various spots, he had a flaming skull tattooed >onto his right forearm, and he had a chain wrapped around his fist. Peter: I wonder if he's from New York? Winston: I'm betting on Jersey. D: L.A., definitely L.A. > The smaller man didn't cringe at this mountain of muscle. Ray: I would... Peter: You'd cringe if you stepped on a bug. D: Is that why you entered this business, so you don't have to kill living things? Ray: Shut up. > The huge man grabbed him by his loose black shirt and said, "Get the >frag outta my spot, ya piece o' drek!" Egon: The what out of where?!?! Peter: Don't try to translate, your head might explode. > The smaller man's eyes flashed purple. He grabbed the large man's arm >and twisted it. Winston: (man) Where's my money, bitch?! Ray: Uh...no Pimp comments, Winston... Winston: Sorry. > "Aah!" The big man grunted. "Now I'm mad!" Egon: Aah?! The Oscar goes to... D: [drumroll] Egon: ...the big man for the best 'Aah!' in a fan-fiction story! > "Oh, no!" a patron said. "Gorg's mad!" Peter: Head for the hills, Grog is mad... D: Uh, you mean "Gorg". "Grog" was a term used for early beer, which is where we get the modern day term "Groggy". > The big man, Gorg, twitched and levelled the smaller man with his >massive forearm. Egon: Well, at least we know that Gorg is the big man.... Ray: That makes everything *so* much clearer... > The smaller man hit hard, but flipped back to his feet. Peter: Hoopta! > "Ya won't stay down, huh?" Gorg asked. "Ya want Gorg to bash ya in >good? I kin' do that!" Gorg threw his chained fist forward, but the punch >sailed right THROUGH him. Winston: What the heck was that?! D: Sansou-Ken. One Pattern. He ducked a fraction of a second before Gorg's fist connected, and a latent image of him is still on everyone's retina. Ray: I'll say it again: Shut up. >The smaller man ducked down and threw a knee that sent Gorg into an empty >table. As the smaller man stood up, images of himself stood up into the >same spot. D: That is a better way to see Sansou-Ken. >He turned, sat down on the stool, and recieved the tankard of water from the >bartender. ALL: HEAVY MARTIAL ARTS ACTION!!!!! Ray: (Rain man) Definitely intense...definitely... > "I've seen lots of bar brawls," he said, "but never in my life have I >seen something like that! And for the record, you are the first person who >has ever beaten Gorg man-to-man!" Egon: Gorg is actually human?! D: Actually, he's half-orc. > The man took a sip of his water and asked, "So?" Peter: (man) --come here often? Ray: Ugh! > "Why'd you say something like that, boy?! Gorg is huge, ugly, and Winston: (bartender) smells like he's been dumpster diving! P-U! >gets really ticked off when people sit there! I've had three dozen..." He >stopped in mid-sentence, turned to an open door in the back, and yelled, Ray: Bring in the rubber hose! Peter: Ray, what did I tell you about watching those late shows? Ray: I couldn't resist! >"Burry! How many guys've been beaten up by Gorg?!" > "Forty-four!" a slightly Italian voice replied from the back. > "...Almost four dozen guys go to the hospital because of him!" the >bartender continued. He extended his hand. "Domm Perinyone." Winston: The champagne?! Peter: HEY, the champange's not Korbell! > The man did not return the gesture. Egon: Instead, he flipped the bird, raising his finger high and proud. > "Falkyn." Peter: (Cheesy italian accent) I got your Falkyn money right here! Winston: (Same) Joey Buttafuco ova here! Egon: (Him too) Ova here! Ray: (Ditto) No, ova here! D: Joey who? > "Falkyn, there's going to be some tournament held by King LahHroide >for..." Domm turned to the back door. "Burry! What was the tournament's >prize again?!" > The semi-Italian voice replied, "Fifty grand and a spot on the >King's personal guard!" Egon: Semi-Italian? Is that even possible?! D: I would say Burry's voice is a hybrid of Joe Pesci and Mario Mario. > "Thanks!" Domm said. He turned back to Falkyn. "Sign-up's at the >Castle. Expect to see a lot of YahKath there." Peter: Yaks? Winston: Next thing you know goats will be traipsing through. D: That is the name of the inhabitants of YahKii, as people from the U.S. are called Americans, and those from Canada are called Canadians. > Falkyn took another drink. "What makes you so sure I'm going to >enter?" Peter: Because it's open and wait--OUCH! Winston: Don't you start! > "You should! You can call yourself, 'Falkyn, the Gorg-Dropper'!" >Domm suggested. > "'Gorg-Dropper'?" Falkyn asked. Egon: (Falkyn) --O'stater of the obvious? > "Gorg's got himself a pretty nasty reputation all over YahKii," Domm >said. Peter: (Domm) Even the prostitutes won't go near him. Ray: Now that's nasty! Winston: No Ray, that's plain skank! > "I think everyone on the R'itni Islands knows who he is!" > Falkyn finished the water and put a chip of silver on the >countertop. "That should cover the water," he said. He got up and left. > Egon: At least he didn't 'lefted' Peter: [laughs] D: Excuse me? [A loud groaning is heard] Winston: Watch it, Egon, the fourth wall is getting testy. Egon: I am truly sorry! Fourth Wall: Apology accepted! Peter: --the hell!? > Why don't you enter the tournament? Falkyn asked himself. You have Winston: --nothing to lose! >a shot a fifty grand! The most you've ever had was nineteen! Besides, you >can become one of the King's personal guards! Falkyn decided he would enter >this tournament and become one of LahHroide's personal guards. After all, >nobody could match his abilities. Peter: Thus sayeth the Author! Egon: Let me guess, Falkyn is a martial artist with great skills? Ray: I believe so, since no one could match his abilities. D: At least he hasn't seen anyone who can match his level of skill. He has many powerful abilities that we have yet to see. Winston: Those abilities may include, whining, fussing and screaming! D: [shrugs absently] > It was late by the time Falkyn found the sign-up sheet at the gates All: AHHH! Egon: [baring his index fingers like a cross] Get thee behind me, Bill Gates! D: [shudders] Wrong gates! >of Teri Castle. After he put in his name (he was eighteenth to sign up), he >decided he could stop at an inn to spend the night. Ray: He even decided to wear the pajamas with the booted feet! Peter: Like that bunny suit you wore? Ray: Shaddup! Peter: [smirking] Wittle Ray Cottontail. Ray: I said shaddup! > On the way to a local inn, he heard a woman's voice say, "Go away!" > "C'mon!" a man's voice said. Peter: (Falkyn) As long as you pick up the tab! > Falkyn followed the sound to find a large, muscular man looming over >a brunette woman who looked no older than Falkyn. He walked to the man, who >wore jeans ripped at the knees, heavy work boots, fingerless gloves, and >a gold earring. Peter: (Announcing voice) The Pirates of Dark Water! Ray: (Ioz) Jungo Lungo! Winston: (Ren) Noijitat! Egon: That's the last time I program Cartoon Network into Ecto-1k's satellite! > His skin was dark, and he was clean-shaven. Falkyn tapped >him on the shoulder and said, "She told you to go away. Why don't you >respect that request?" All: (Singing) R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Find out what it means to me!! > "Huh?" the man asked. "Back the frag off!" Egon: There's that word again! D: Don't ask what it means. Egon: What does it mean? D: It is a slang term for a slang term for sexual intercourse. Egon: [realizes what D is getting at] Oh, understood. > Falkyn's eyes flashed purple again. He raised his arms, and brought >the edges of his hands down on the sides of the man's neck, striking a pair >of nerve clusters and sending him to the ground, gasping for air. All: HEAVY MARTIAL ARTS ACTION! Ray: MASTER NINJA THEME SONG! Peter: What the freak was that? Ray: Oh something I heard on TV before, I've always wanted to say that! D: That move is known as the "Mongolian Chop". > Falkyn dropped to one knee and placed two fingers at the base of the >man's throat. "If I use the right amount of pressure," he explained, "I can >crush your windpipe easily." He pushed slightly. "Now, if you value your >life, you'll run. You'll run like the dog you are!" Winston: (Falkyn) For I am the mighty clone of Xena, warrior princess! Ray: Ayiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!!!! Peter: [covering his ears] Argh! D: If he were a clone, he'd be a she. Egon: [shudders] Begone mental picture! Begone! > The man scurried to his feet and ran off. As Falkyn watched him >run, the woman said, "Thanks. I'm Li'na." She was attractive, although >Falkyn no longer felt these kind of things. Peter: What is he, impotent?! Winston: Just because every other man doesn't attack every woman he sees, doesn't make him impotent. Egon: Besides, you're just a freak. Peter: Freak? Excuse me? I'm not the one who slept with the mood slime! Egon: [face turns red] D: Mood slime? [Another groaning sound is heard, this time dust trickles down on everyone] Ray: Fourth wall again? Fourth Wall: Yeppers! Peter: My bad! > Her light brown hair grew to her waist, and in her hazel eyes, D: [sings Eye of the Tiger] Peter: I wonder what she uses? Winston: I think she's not human. Egon: It is theoretically impossible to grow hair in the blink of an eye. Ray: [horrid expression] Plus, she's growing it *IN* her eyes! [short pause] All: AHHHHH!!!! Peter: ATTACK OF THE WOOKIEE!!! D: If I could laugh, I would. >Falkyn saw a woman who was still looking for the right person. Ray: Oh it's OK, he was looking in her eyes. Peter: Whew. That's all we needed was a fantasy/Star Wars crossover. > "Falkyn," he said. "Good-bye." > As he was about to leave, Li'na said, "Wait. Where are you going?" Ray: (Falkyn) Someplace you're not! Winston: Nosy, isn't she!? > "I'm entering the King's tournament. Where's the closest inn?" >Falkyn asked. > Li'na pointed to a building down the street. "They have great room >rates there." Winston: And how would she know that? Ray: You mean...[blushes] Ooooh!!! D: I doubt she is that kind of woman. Peter: Doubt all you want, tin can! Egon: [covers his eyes and shakes his head] > As Falkyn left for the inn, Li'na asked, "Where are you going after >the tournament?" > "I don't know," Falkyn replied. "All I do is move. All: MOVE YOUR BODY! Peter: Shake your groove thang! Winston: Jack the house! Egon: Jack the car! Ray: Jack a ship so we can leave this place! D: Your vehicle was severely damaged. You cannot leave, so sit back and enjoy this. Ghostbusters: DRAT! > I don't know where I'm going next, and, frankly, I don't really >care. A lot of people have been in my way, like him-" Falkyn thumbed behind >him, "-and some giant named Gorg. I wasted them all." Peter: (Falkyn) Yep, I just got it like that. > "You beat Gorg?" Li'na asked. "I want to hear all about it!" Egon: (Li'na falsetto) --just to tell you what a lying dog you are! D: I hate to interrupt, but Falkyn is human, not canine. Ray: Shut up already! > Falkyn rolled his eyes. Winston: [motherly voice] Put those eyes back in your head, young man! >"Domm said he had a reputation," he said silently to himself. "I've talked >enough. Time is a luxury I do not have." Winston: (Li'na falsetto) So is deoderant. PHEW! > Falkyn started off again. "Will I see you again?" Li'na asked. > "If our paths cross, we will," Falkyn replied. "But if you anger >me, being female will not stop me from tearing you apart." Winston: Oh that was just WRONG! Peter: At least I have the common decency to NOT hit women! Egon: He delagated her to just her sex! THE NERVE! Ray: That was not nice! Winston: (Li'na falsetto) Just try it, I bet you can't stop a 9mm slug PUNK! D: Taking into consideration Falkyn's extensive martial arts training, his sharpened senses, and ungodly fast reflexes, he could snatch the bullet with his own hand just as Sammy Sosa catches baseballs with his bat. Winston: Huh? > > The next day, the tournament at the Castle of King LahHroide was >held. Falkyn's round was seventh, after a half-dozen boring fights between >YahKath of various types. Egon: Wait, we're not allowed to view the other fights? Peter: The action sequence might have cramped someone's fingers. D: Perhaps they aren't of any use in this story. > He was paired against a small YahKath named Druzid Narmone. Druzid >got the opening with a feint kick to the right, and a power-packed left kick >that knocked Falkyn back a little, but he quickly shook it off. Winston: shake it off, shake it off, take it off...WE BE CLUBBIN'! Peter: Sorry, Winston. I don't want to see Falkyn take ANYTHING off! Winston: ARGH! [shudders] > He came back with vicious punch cross-ups, all of which Druzid dodged, >but Falkyn connected with a wicked Savate Kick to Druzid's abdomen. That >was all Falkyn needed for the judges to award the match to him. All: HEAVY MARTIAL ARTS ACTION! Ray: MASTER NINJA THEME SONG! Peter: One more time, you die. Ray: Sorry! > > Several more matches passed, when a soldier approached Falkyn. "You >got yourself a fan here, she says she wants to talk to you," the soldier >said. > "Who could it be?" Falkyn asked. He had no friends or family to >speak of. Egon: Because he assassinated them. D: I doubt it highly. Ray: D? D: Yes? Ray: SHUT UP!!! > Into the room entered the brunette he rescued not twenty-four >hours earler. "Li'na," he acknowledged her. Peter: Watch your back Li'na, I heard he hits women! Egon: The slug! D: Are you referring to Falkyn or the bullet you spoke of earlier? [The Ghostbusters just stare at D] > "Falkyn, what's wrong with you?" she asked. "Guys fell over >themselves when I talked to them. Then you come in, and you barely say >anything. It's like you're frozen solid." Winston: Feeling a bit egotistical there, aren't we Li'na? Ray: Her and Peter'd make a good match. Peter: HEY! > Falkyn blinked slowly. "Why did you bring that up?" Peter: I don't think that's the ONLY thing she brought up! Ray: ba dum ching! D: Falkyn only cares about becoming stronger. Female companionship is frivolous in his eyes. Winston: Shyeah, right... Egon: What about the rest of his physiological make up? In all technical aspects, he is a man... D: I beg your pardon? Peter: (Egon's pardon) Worship me! Egon: Excuse me!? > "Well," Li'na started, "you must have someone, right?" Ray: Why does she care!? > Falkyn pondered what she meant. "It's not possible. I travel, and >there are countless perps wherever I go. I can't protect anybody." Winston: (Falkyn) I must establish my manhood by beating all the weak females! D: You have it all wrong; he won't attack her unless she gets in his way. > "Not true!" Li'na said. "You protected me from that tenorio!" Egon: (Li'na falsetto) Besides, the clip on my Uzi was jammed. Winston: Dark Side: Population 1: Egon Spengler. > Falkyn's stony expression changed for an instant. "He'll be back >when I leave, and you'll be his victim." Peter: Stony...HAH! It wasn't his face that was stony... > Li'na was about to speak when Falkyn was called to the arena for the >second round. > > Falkyn took another round with his Savate Kick. Li'na was waiting >for him to return. "Two rounds left?" she asked. Winston: What is the 'Savate Kick' Ray: I dunno, must be pretty powerful. It has it's own capitals! D: The attacker turns on one heel so he faces away from his opponent, then thrusts backward with his sole, driving his foot into the victim's abdomen. Winston: Thank you, Commander Data. D: "D" is not short for Data; I was named after my creator. > "Correct," Falkyn replied. "Why have you taken such an interest in >me all of a sudden?" > Li'na laughed. "Well, you are kind of handsome." Peter: (Li'na falsetto) --in a wretched sort of way... > Falkyn was taken aback by her comment. "Why did you say that? My >face and body are scarred many times over, I kill on a whim! You and I >cannot be together." Peter: (Falkyn) I might kill you! Egon: (Li'na falsetto) But I WANT to be killed! Peter: (Falkyn) Aah! > "It's possible," Li'na said. "We'll have to work on it, but we >could." Winston: She can't take a hint, can she? Ray: Maybe if he Savate Kicked her senseless-- Peter: Ray, she DOESN'T have sense! Egon: That's her predicament there! > "No," Falkyn said sternly. "It is not possible. Please, save >yourself the trouble and stay out of my life." Peter: Egonics Translation: Get the hell away from me, freak! > "Really?" she asked. "Do you know what it's like to be completely >alone? Well, I do!" Ray: I'll give her this, she's persistent! Peter: And look at the ugly slug she's chasing! > "Next round, Falkyn!" > Winston: SCENE CHANGE! > "I'm in the final round," Falkyn said, wiping a bead of sweat off >his forehead. Winston: Whoops, guess not! Carry on! > "You make it sound like it's no big deal," Li'na said, her arms >crossed in front of her. > Falkyn cracked his neck. "It isn't." Ray: (Falkyn) It's not the size of the deal, it's what you do with it! Winston: [blinks] Peter: Where did you hear that from?! Egon: I think he's been hanging with Peter too long. > "Well, if you win," Li'na began, "then you have to decide between >being the King's guard, or me." Peter: (Falkyn) hmm, you, guard, you, guard. Sorry, going to have to go with the guard. > "What do you mean, you?" Falkyn asked. > "Well, it's probably just hormones. Or it could be something >different. Anyway, this's your big chance. Pick the one you want most." Egon: Key word here, Gentlemen: HORMONES Peter: Heavy on the ho. Winston: Ewwwww! > Falkyn remained silent. "I will," he finally said, going back into >the arena for the final battle. Ray: (Falkyn) Me, the great Falkyn, fallen by a female! D: You mean "felled", do you not? Ray: I told you already to shut up! > > Falkyn and the YahKath Kalmur Sozata stood at opposite ends of the >arena. They entered the twenty-foot-diameter circle and the final round of >the tournament began. Ray: [Deep voice] Round 1: FIGHT! > Kalmur's high kick missed the mark, leaving himself wide open for >Falkyn's Savate Kick. It connected, but Kalmur did not fall. He absorbed Ray: Don't squeeze the charmin! >the impact, and redirected it into Falkyn's foot, almost snapping his leg >clean off. Falkyn flipped back to his feet and met a heel to his face. Ray: (Heel) Hi, I'm Heel! Winston: (Face) And I'm Face, nice ta meecha! Ray: (Heel) Same here! >Crimson liquid fell from his brow, but he resisted the urge to let loose. > This is a tournament, he told himself. Stay calm. He does not >intend to kill you. Peter: If that's what you want to believe... > Kalmur waited for Falkyn's next attack so he could take advantage of >any open shots. Egon: Vodka or Scotch? Peter: Been hanging at the wet bar again, eh? Egon: [flustered] I was not! > Falkyn focused his mind, and charged. The speeds he reached was Peter: Too much for his Visa...it burned up. >awesome. He used his "Swift Wind" technique, the one he used to defeat >Gorg, to fool Kalmur into seeing multiple images of him. Ray: Sudden Dragonball Z flashback! All: KAMEHAMEHA!! > As Falkyn closed >in, Kamlur threw a standing enzuigiri kick powerful enough to take someone's >head off, but it hit air, allowing Falkyn's arm to snake over his throat, >pull him backward, and drive the point of his elbow into Kalmur's sternum. >Kalmur collapsed to the ground, coughing. The judges awarded the tournament >to Falkyn. ALL: HEAVY MARTIAL ARTS ACTION! Ray: MASTER NINJA THEME SONG! [jumps up and runs out] Peter: You'd better had ran! D: The final maneuver of that battle is known as the "Commando Elbow". Ray: [from outside] Didn't I tell you to shut your cybernetic hole?! D: I believe so. > Li'na ran out into the arena to Falkyn, who was bleeding from his >eyebrow. "You're hurt," she observed. Egon: (Falkyn) Thank you, Li'na. The ever-present observer. > "It's nothing," he told her. "Just another scar on my body." Winston: How can he tell? > The captain of King LahHroide's army congratulated Falkyn. "As >promised," he said, "you will recieve fifty grand and you have a place in >King LahHroide's personal guard." Winston: (Captain) hint hint, wink wink... D: Do you not mean, "nudge, nudge,"? > Falkyn looked to Li'na and remembered what she said earlier. "With >all due respect," he began, "I refuse the offer. There is much I must do >before I can take my rightful place in the guard." Peter: (Falkyn) I haven't had a woman in years! They all say I'm too ugly! D: Perhaps his scars and relative lack of human contact is the cause of his malady. > "You gave up the offer of a lifetime, Falkyn," the captain said. "I >doubt you'll ever get another chance." Egon: (Falkyn) You got that right... > Falkyn turned and left the arena to begin his next journey. Winston: ---to the kink shop. D: Excuse me? Egon: WINSTON! Winston: What!? > > "Falkyn! Wait up!" Peter: (Falkyn) Damn, it's HER! RUNAWAY! > Falkyn heard a voice as he was about to leave the city. He looked >behind him to see Li'na, running toward him. "What do you want, Li'na?" he >asked. Egon: (Li'na falsetto) You, on a platter! Winston: EWWWW! Ray: [from outside] Two steps towards ecchi/hentai! D: Li'na's a cannibal? > "Where're you going next?" she asked. Winston: (Falkyn) Somewhere far away from YOU! > Falkyn looked into the distance. "I'm not sure. It might be >Zrinth, I heard they have some strong people. Or I might go to Westor, >where there are few people. Where I go doesn't matter, or when I get >there." Peter: (Falkyn) For I am the eternal lost boy! D: Falkyn is a nomad; he doesn't settle down, or at least, not yet. > Li'na looked deep into his eyes. "Let me go with you." Peter: (Falkyn) What's that? Egon: (Li'na falsetto) I said, let me EAT you! Peter: (Falkyn) Aah! > "Why?" Falkyn asked. > Li'na smiled at him. "Don't know. I just have this weird feeling I >should be going with you." Winston: (Li'na falsetto) Ignore the fact that I'm standing here with luggage... > "You may come as long as you do not get in my way," Falkyn said. Egon: Which may be hard to do, the woman practically wants to jump him there. D: I sense a hidden sexual joke here. > The two left the town on their way to the unknown. Peter: Off into the sunset, where they were burnt to a crisp. All: THE END > Notes: the words "frag" and "drek" were taken from the game of >Shadowrun (C) FASA Corp. The use of their property does not imply any >challenge to their copyright(s). Peter: So that's where those words came from. D: Shadowrun is a role-playing game, similar to Dungeons and Dragons, but it is in a cyberpunk (C) setting. Ray: [coming back in] Is it over? D: Yes, it is. All: YES!!! D: [lame infomerical] But wait, there's more! Act now, and you can join me for the next chapter of this amazing story! How much would you pay for this? Forty-nine ninety-nine? Think again! You can have it for absolutely free! Peter: I don't get it. D: I didn't expect you to. [pushes the button] [ FWOOOOOOOOOSH! ] \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ -----O----- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ [Screen goes dark] ____________________________________________________________________________ "Falkyn, Chapter 1" by: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) SHAMELESS PLUGS: You can find the rest of Falkyn the MSTing at: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com/Falkyn Tory's Real Ghostbusters Webpage: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com Komera Waddi's RPG and Interactive Stories: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Stadium/4989/ EMAIL US! Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) _____________________________________________________________________________ > Li'na ran out into the arena to Falkyn, who was bleeding from his >eyebrow. "You're hurt," she observed. Egon: (Falkyn) Thank you, Li'na. The ever-present observer.