Fan-Fiction Theater 3000 EPISODE: 003 -- The Power of Hai-Keeba. Today's Victim: Falkyn -- Chapter 3 by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) MSTed by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) and Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Disclaimer: The Real Ghostbusters are owned by Sony/Dic and Mystery Science Theatre 3K is owned by Best Brains inc., and I hope they don't mind us using their characters and settings. FFT3K Theme Song Peter: Who has next on cueing the Theme? Winston: I think it's Egon's turn. Ray: Yeah, I did it last chapter! Egon: [sighs] Fine, I'll do it. Peter: [whispering to Winston] Works every time! [cue MST3K track] In the not-too-distant future way out and deep in space A mysterious android, name is D, Is in a dark and lonely place Stuck up on SoL, all alone, Why not do an E.T. and grab a phone? He ran some tests until some me-te-ors Made the satellite home for the Ghost-bust-ers... (Peter: "IT'S RAY'S FAULT!!!") (Ray: "IS NOT!") "I'm reading cheesy fanfics, The worst, I can find,(LA LA LA) We'll have to sit and read them all, Or you'll gradually lose your mind!" (LA LA LA) Now keep in mind, the 'busters can't control Where the fanfics begin or end, (LA LA LA) D'll try to keep the sanity Of his newfound 'busting friends! GB Roll Call! Spengler! (We're on!) Zeddemore! (Oh, man!) Ray Stantz! (Check this out...HAI-KEEBA!) Venkmaaaaaan! (Hey, baby!) If you're wonderin' how they eat and breathe And other science facts, Just tell yourself, "It's just a MST," And you should really just relax. For Fan Fiction Theater, 3000! [Guitar twang] Peter: It should be The Real Ghostbusters 3000! *KBANG* Peter: OOOOF! [D retracts the Rocket Fist] STARRING: Spengler, Egon, Dr. 6'3" Blond hair, blue eyes (which happen to be myopic, hence the red glasses): A genius with an exaggerated I.Q. Contains multiple degrees in the field of parapsychology and physics. He is responsible for the creation of the proton packs and the ecto-containment unit. Stantz, Ray, Dr. 5'8" Red hair, brown eyes The youngest member of the group, second to Egon in holding multiple degrees. He specializes in engineering and occult sciences. Egon once said he had the mental state of a six year old. Venkman, Peter, Dr. 5'10" Dk. Brown hair, green eyes All-around idiot (no kidding, Peter: HEY!) Amazingly, he has two Ph.D's, one in psychology and the other in parapsychology. He's actually smarter than he pretends to be. Most trouble they're in, is because of Peter. Zeddemore, Winston, Dr. 5'11" Black hair, brown eyes The only member of the group who doesn't have a Ph.D, he earned his 'Dr' title as an honorary member of Columbia University. The only member of the group who has common sense (Winston: Damn straight!). D 6'0" No hair, yellow eyes A Model 27 High-Density Productivity Android that took residence at the abandoned Satellite of Love. How or why he's there, no one knows. Looks like a cross between Adam of Shining Force and Data from ST: TNG. * * * * [On the VoFF, the ex-Satellite of Love] Ray: Hey, Winston! Winston: What is it, Ray? Ray: I've just learned a neat trick, it envolves Peter passing out! Winston: [confused look] D: You must have found Confused Looks R Us. Ray: Watch! Hey, Peter! Peter: [walks over] What? Ray: [draws his knee up and strikes towards Venkman] HAI-KEEBA!! Peter: Aah! [eyes roll up as he falls to the ground] *THUD* Winston: Damn, you didn't even touch him! Ray: Cool isn't it? I wonder if it'll do the same to Egon? Winston: I don't know. [starts to slowly walk backwards from Ray] Ray: [cackling] Hey Egon! Egon: [walks over] Yes, Raymond? Ray: [draws his knee up and strikes towards Spengler] HAI-KEEBA!! Egon: Aah! [eyes roll up and he pitches forward, landing next to Peter] *THUD* Ray: Muhahahahar! Hey, D! D: What can I do for you, Ray? Ray: HAI-KE--*CLANG* OUCH!!!!! *THUD* [falls to the floor holding himself] Winston: You didn't have to kick him...ooooh that looks painful! D: [confused look] oh well we've got Chapter 3 ready to see! All: [except Egon and Peter] MOVIE SIGN! [Door Sequence: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6] [They all trail in, Ray is dragging Peter, Winston is lugging Egon. They plop the unconscious men in their seats and sit down in front of the screen] > Falkyn -- Chapter 3 > By: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) > >________________________________________________________ Ray: (singing) Sign your name across my heart... Winston: Amazing, I guess D made you a soprano. > Eight months have passed since Falkyn began Li'na's combat training, Winston: And boy was she sucking at it. The girl couldn't do a spin kick to save her life. >and she has been doing extremely well, as Falkyn has taught her everything she knows about hand-to-hand combat. Ray: Which isn't much. But she does know the mighty yell of 'HAI-KEEBA!' Peter and Egon: [falls to the floor] *THUD* Winston: Damn, they fainted again. > Now, Falkyn decided to return to civilization with his new protoge. Winston: When did he leave? [Egon and Peter wake up again, returning to their seats] > > The two found a billboard in the center of a small village on the Winston: (poster on billboard) For a good time call 1-900... Ray: 4-P-E-T-E-R-V Egon: [Laughs] Peter: Not funny, Stantz! D: That would be funny, but considering Dr. Venkman it might be true. Peter: WHAT?! >outskirts of the country of Zrinth. Falkyn quickly scanned it, finding an >interesting ad: "Looking for person/people with good fighting ability. Ray: and the ability to survive the mighty HAI-KEEBA! Winston: You know, after getting kneed yourself, I thought you might want to ease up on that. Ray: Oh yeah. [winces] >Contact Jormungar Heyderall, 1005 Dender St, Zrinth." > "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Falkyn asked. Egon: (Falkyn) Pinky? Peter: (Pinky) Uh, Hippos shouldn't wear thongs?! Egon: (Falkyn) Aah! Ray: Hey Egon, you sound just like the Brain! [A loud bang is heard] Peter: Whoops, you've pissed off the fourth wall! Fourth Wall: DANGIT! Egon: Sorry! Ray: Our bad! > "I don't think Egon: I believe that's Li'na's dilemma! D: It's Dr. Venkman's, too. Peter: Very funny, laughing boy! Egon: You know, D, I tell him that myself. >so," Li'na replied. Her look had changed considerably since her training >began. Back then she had little muscle power and wore a simple tunic. Now, >she had more strength in her body, a suit that more or less matched >Falkyn's, and a long sword attached to her belt. Peter: 0_0 Egon: Uh, oh... Winston: What is it? Egon: Peter's dazing out on Li'na. Peter: 0_0 *drools* Ray: One time he got like this in college and it took me and Egon three hours to snap him out of it. Winston: How did you do it? Ray: We threw him in the shower. D: I may have to use my Rocket Fist on him. > Falkyn pointed out the ad. "I wonder what Mister Heyderall has in >mind for his fighter." Peter: 0_0 Egon: You know, it might be good to leave him in this state. Ray: Yeah, at least we won't have to worry about 'ecchi' comments from the resident 'hentai'. D: I give him two seconds before he begins again. > > They quickly found the home of Jormungar Heyderall, a modest place, >containing only the necessities of life. After explaining that they were >there to inquire about his ad, Jormungar let the two in. Peter: (Cartman's mother) Haven't you ever heard of a manage o' three?! Egon: He has returned. Ray: D'oh! Winston: Drat. > "There is someone who has been causing me a lot of trouble for the >past several months," Jormungar announced. He was heavy-set, with a thick >beard and moustache to offset his thinning hair. He wore simple clothing, Peter: Made with built in velcro straps, RIP AWAY CLOTHING! Egon: [rolls up a bit of newspaper] *THWAP* Peter: OUCH! D: Just say the word and the Rocket Fist will fly. >nothing too elaborate, just enough to keep him cool and comfortable. "I need her terminated." Egon: (Arnold) I'll BE BACH! D: (Arnold) I'll be Mozart! > "Jormungar--" Falkyn began, but he was cut off. > "Just call me Jor," he said. "My real name is too long to use in >casual conversation." Peter: And so is my p--OUCH! Egon: Will you ever learn!? Ray: Egon, the stupid can never learn. Winston: That was low, man. D: [singing] How low can ya go? How high can ya fly? > "What kind of trouble has she been causing you?" Falkyn continued. Peter: [twiddle his thumbs] Ray: Whoa, what, no comment? D: I am surprised. > Jor sat down in a chair and rested his head in his hands. "She >robbed me several times," he said. "All I have here is what she didn't >take. I implore you to do something." Peter: (Jor) Find her and bring her back! Ray: (Falkyn) Why? Peter: (Jor) So she can take me! Ray: (Falkyn) Aah! > "What does she look like?" Falkyn asked. Peter: 0_0 *drool* red haired, blue eyed. 6'3". Ohhh, gotta be slender... *drools* Ray: We'll dye Egon's hair red, just for you. Egon: Urk! Peter: That was NOT funny! D: If I could repress laughter, I would. [Egon and Peter look at each other and then cringe.] Egon and Peter: EEEEWWWW!!!! Winston: Please don't let things turn into Slash... All: [shudders violently] > Jor handed him a piece of paper. On it was a drawing of a female >head. "This is what the authorities made out of my description," Jor said. Ray: (Jor) Ugly little critter, isn't she! D: She is rather attractive, am I correct? Peter: 0_0 > "I've heard of her," Falkyn said. "Shaianne PeriHawk, am I right?" Winston: Now that's a common name! > Jor nodded. "The authorities won't lift a finger! I'm reduced to >hiring mercenaries to do what nobody else will!" Ray: (Jor) I'm a useless man, sitting here simpering! > "How dare you call us mercenaries!" Li'na suddenly said. "We came >here because you wanted a fighter! Not hired goons who'll work for >pennies!" Winston: (Li'na) Dammit, I'm worth at least a dime! > Falkyn stopped her from drawing her sword and gutting the fat man >where he stood. "You don't have to," Falkyn told her. "If he'd insulted >you, I would have allowed you." He looked back to Jor. "The task is ours." > Egon: (Falkyn) Back Li'na! *whipcrack* Down, girl! Down I say, and again!! Peter: 0_0 Ray: EGON! Egon: What?! I didn't mean it like THAT! Winston: Peter is going to explode before we leave this place. D: I hope he doesn't, I hate cleaning. > The two fighters gained information on Shaianne PeriHawk's recent >activities the best they could, they beat it out of people who had it but >wouldn't talk. Egon: Gratuitous violence much? D: It is a RPG type setting. > One man told them she had gone to the country of Mala, but he had no >idea why. Ray: I'm sure he didn't know why. Winston: What? Ray: Its not like she said, "Well I'm off to Mala to do some window shopping!" > "Mala it is," Falkyn said. "When we find Shaianne, we will either >return Jor's stolen property, or return with her dead body." Peter: (Falkyn darkly) I'd prefer it be the latter, muhahahahar! Winston: Right from hentai into darkness. There's no gray area with you is it? Peter: Hell no. > After being around Falkyn for almost a year, Li'na knew his mentality >left a lot to be desired. Ray: He was cute, but dumber than a brick. > He had an unnatural thirst for combat and blood. Winston: MOOOOORE BLOOOOD! >But there was a real person underneath all that, and Li'na had made it her >personal quest to find him. > Peter: All it involves is the removal of clothing... Egon: [smacks his forehead] D: Somebody put him away, please, before I am forced to use the Rocket Fist. > It took the two a week to travel to Mala, and when they got there, >they shook down everyone they could find for information regarding the >location of Shaianne PeriHawk. Ray: (thug) It's da cops! Peter: (thug) 5-0! D: [Hawaii 5-0 Theme] > Nobody could give an exact location, but all the information led them >to a point near Sivart Castle. Falkyn knew he had no chance of seeing the >Prime Minister for help, so he just looked around until her found her. Wiston: Unfortunately, Falkyn was blind. > Unnaturally quiet, he sneaked close to her, hidden by the shadows of Peter: --a large purple and green reptile. Dear God, it's the return of Barney!!! AHHHHH!!!! >the trees. Li'na circled around the other side, trapping Shaianne. Winston: Muhahahahar, you're mine! Give me the Ruby Slippers! Ray: [shakes Winston] There's no place like home, Winston. Peter: Both of you should be beaten for that. > Falkyn gracefully leaped into a tree above her and drew his katana. Peter: [lecherous] Feel the wrath of my MIGHTY katana! Egon: For the sake of your stupidity, a Katana is a japanese sword. Peter: You just love ruining my fun, don't you? Egon: Sometimes, it's fun. [evil grin] D: I'm starting to enjoy myself as well. > Shaianne heard something rustle in the tree above her. She pretended >to keep reading as she freed her weapon. Winston: (Shaianne) Hmm, see Spot run. *gun click* See Lad and Jane. *loads chamber* > The rustling sound increased. Her stalker was very noisy. Winston: (stalker) Gotta get closer...whoops! *CRASH* > Suddenly, out of nowhere, Shaianne heard something jump out of the >tree, saw a beam of light glint off metal, but where the blade struck, she >was not. The man holding the blade was obscured by the shadows, but she >could make out a dark maroon gleam in his eyes, and his body was hunched >over from the impact of his jump. All: HEAVY MARTIAL ARTS ACTION! Egon: MASTER NINJA THEME SONG! Peter: Arugh! Not you too! Egon: I just couldn't help myself. Ray: Muhahahar! My evil plan is working! > He slowly rose to his feet, pulling the blade out of the soft soil. Peter: 0_0 Egon: What the... Winston: Now come on, all he did was pull his sword...damn... >He stood almost six feet tall, and the light dancing off the blade lit up >his now green eyes, dark brown hair, and scars. Winston: I still think Peter's not telling us something. Ray: It is odd how the character has brown hair and green eyes... Peter: I'm not scarred! Egon: You will be if you don't quit making those type of comments. D: Coincidence, I assure you. > Shaianne heard the hiss of metal on leather, signalling another Winston: S & M moment. [covers his eyes] >blade's removal from its sheath. She turned to find a woman with long brown >hair holding a longsword. Her clothing was almost the same as the man's, >save it wasn't ripped. The man whirled his blade and struck, intent on >carving Shaianne from shoulder to shoulder. She ducked, and the katana >sliced straight through a tree. The recoil of the attack gave Shaianne >little time to counterattack. She brought her book down on the back of his >head. All: HEAVY MARTIAL ARTS ACTION! Winston: (singing) Everybody was Kung Fu fighting! Ray: (singing) Those cats were fast as lightning... All: (singing) There was a funky china man, from funky chinatown... D: Mortal Kombat! [Mortal Kombat song] Peter: Great, just screw up the continuity! > Falkyn recovered with amazing speed and back-fisted the book out of >Shaianne's grip. With a quick motion, the katana was ready to impale. >Falkyn thrust forward, his weapon ready to feast on crimson glory. However, >just before the blade struck, magic did. Winston: Basketball players are making cameos. > The pair of assassins froze in mid strike, paralyzed by silvery >magic. Shai's pale eyes narrowed. "If force doesn't work, there is always >an alternative." Peter: (Vader) You WILL join the Dark side! D: (Luke) I'll NEVER join you! Ray: (Obi-wan) Use the Force, Luke.... Egon: (Yogurt) May the Schwartz be with you! Winston: --the hell?! > She gestured, Egon: Whooo, give them the bird! >and the pair rose into the air. "What the hell do you think you are doing?" >she demanded. Peter: (Falkyn) Well, we tried to kick your ass, obviously that didn't work.... > "Before we talk," Falkyn began, "would you be kind enough to let me >out of this uncomfortable position?" He was still frozen in his pre-kill >stance. Peter: 0_0 Egon: There he goes again. Keyword: Position. Winston: Is that all he thinks of?! Ray: No, he thinks about money, too. D: May I use my Rocket Fist on him? > Shaianne waved her hand, allowing the two to put their weapons away >and assume a more comfortable stance. Peter: Legs behind the head, I hope! Egon: It's useless! D: If only he could be turned off. > "We are here on behalf of a Jormungar Heyerdall," Falkyn explained. >"He claims you have been robbing him for several months. We have come to >return his property." Egon: (Falkyn) Just return the man's underwear and we'll be out of here. Ray: Great, now you're doing it. > Shaianne took a few minutes to calm her anger and said, "I have >no idea what you're talking about. I don't steal from people, and I've >never heard of Jorhunger or whatever his name was," she spat. Winston: HACKALOOGIE! Ray: EWWWWW!!! D: (Weird Al) I gotta boogie! Gotta boogie on my finger and I can't shake it off! > "I know he wasn't lying when he gave us your description," Li'na >said. "He could have mistaken you for someone else." Peter: (Shai) it's simple, I'm a clone. D: (Weird Al) [singing] I think I'm a clone now. Winston: [singing] A clone now. D: (Weird Al) [singing] That's my genetic twin just a'hangin' around. > "Nevertheless," Falkyn began, "we must find who he's looking for. >Do you have a twin sister?" Peter: Yes, Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield! Ray: What?! Egon: Very obscure...unless someone else knows it. Winston: I saw him reading the books. Sweet Valley High. Peter: WINSTON! Winston: What? It's not my fault it took you three months to finish Double Trouble! > "No," Shaianne replied. "But maybe he could be looking for a R'itna >in disguise." Egon: Retina? They're dealing with parts of the eye? > Falkyn cocked his eyebrow. "Retina? We're dealing with parts of the >eye?" Egon: Hey! I said it first! Ray: Amazing! Egon, I think you're becoming psychic. Winston: or psychotic... D: The odds of this occurring are astronomical. > "No," Li'na said. "They're like gods, From what I've read, they're >made of pure energy, and can become whatever they want. But I've never >heard of a R'itna turning into a human and doing what Jor claims." Peter: Think we can get one here and have it become female? [wiggles eyebrows] Egon: It'll suck your face off, and other body parts. Peter: That's exactly what I want! Ray: [jumps up and runs out the room, hand clamped over his mouth] [outside, loud heaving sounds could be heard] D: He must have a weak constitution. > "Maybe we should talk to Jor again," Falkyn said. "However, I don't >think you should come, Shaianne. Jor might try and kill you himself." Peter: Jor doesn't want to kill you, he wan--DAMMIT EGON! Egon: [wielding blunt object] I'm getting pretty fed up with this, Venkman. Keep it up and I'll use you in my mold reproducing experiment! Peter: Uh...er...I'm shuttin' up now. > "I'd like to see you stop me, you little bastard." Shai let the two >down. "Let's go." Egon: Minna! Ikuyo! Peter: I'm guessing that's Let's go... > It took another week to return to Zrinth. Falkyn interrogated Jor, >but not as rough as his usual interrogations. Winston: He only slapped him once, instead of throwing him down the stairs. Ray: [enters looking a bit greenish] > "She said she is not a thief and has never heard of you," Falkyn said. Peter: (Falkyn) Although she could be lying. What the hell do I know? Winston: Seeing that it's Falkyn; not much. > Jor chuckled a little. "Preposterous! I saw her with my own eyes! Egon: [glaring at Peter while wielding blunt object] Peter: What?! Ray: [Jor] And boy, was she naked! OOPS! Winston: Congratulations, Peter, you've managed to corrupt Ray! D: From the time you've been here, I've noticed that Dr. Venkman has that effect on people. Peter: [very, very demonic grin] Well, I try! >Why, she tried to rob me again not five days ago!" Peter: The man should know who his robber was! Egon: Especially if it was a repeat encounter. > Falkyn's eyebrow cocked again. "Five days? She's been with us the >whole time, right?" Peter: Am I right, or am I right? Egon: I guess you're right! Ray: No, he's right! > Li'na nodded. "She insisted." Winston: (Li'na falsetto) --that we beat the living daylights out of you for fingering her out like that. Egon: [deadpan expression, pulls bat from under his seat] If is that what you wish... [Everyone scoots away from Egon] Egon: What?! > Shai grinned from the doorway. "I most certainly did. I want this >cleared up now!" She stepped into the shadows, making sure no one could see >her from the outside. Peter: [darkly] Who knows what evil lurks in the brains of ducks? Ray: [darkly] Me do! Ray and Peter: [darkly] ME DOOOOO!!!! D: [darkly] the Shadow knows! [More loud groaning. The theatre shakes slightly] Ray: Not the Fourth wall again! Fourth Wall: Not my fault! Peter: Sorry bout that! Fourth Wall: Tis ok! I'll regenerate fine! Winston: We really need to get a new fourth wall... > Falkyn loomed over Jor. "Tell me what really happened," he said as he >unsheathed his katana, "or you will most certainly regret clamming up." Ray: (Falkyn) Thou shalt taste the filthy steel of my katana! Peter: (Falkyn) SHI-NE! D: (Translator) Japanese. Roughly equivalent to "Die". Ray: Whoa that was cool! Where did you learn that!? Peter: I watch anime too, you know! Ray: Really, what kind?! Peter: Oh you know like La Blue Girl... Ray: Ack, enough... > "I saw her!" Jor said. "She tried to rob me while I was walking down >the street! She got a few measly coins, then took off toward Kainaun!" Ray: Why is he whining about a few coins then? Peter: Really, if he's going to call them measly. > Falkyn exhaled loudly. "Why Kainaun?" Ray: Why ask why? D: Canada dry? > Jor defensively raised his hands. "Don't ask me! I'm just your average >citizen. I don't know why she went there!" Peter: I don't know either, but I'd like to go with her! Egon: [growls at Peter] Peter: [stammering] and find out what things they have at the shops! > "So, you got some bodyguards, eh?" a female voice said. Falkyn whirled >his katana and turned toward the voice. Another Shaianne was there, leaning >on the door frame with a sly grin on her face. "It'll make it fun this >time!" Peter: [face turns red] Winston: [starts to laugh] Egon: Go ahead, test me, Venkman. > "What would be 'fun'?" Falkyn asked. > Shaianne's grin melted, Ray: It's the amazing melting woman! >and with a flick of her wrist, fired a spear of yellow light that struck >Falkyn dead D: (Stan) Oh, my God! They killed Falkyn! Peter: (Kyle) You bastards! >in the chest, D: Oh. >throwing him through the opposite wall. The grin reappeared on Shaianne's >face, and now her eyes glowed bright yellow. Peter: [eery voice] They're heeeeereeeee! > Li'na drew her longsword. "So you are a R'itna!" Ray: [badly dubbed movie] So I am, you...must...die! > Shaianne, or the R'itna masquerading as her, slowly vanished. "Quoting >one is plagarism," her fading voice said. "Quoting many is research." Winston: Quoting a Raven, is just plain stupid. D: (Raven) Quothe the Raven, "Nevermore!" Egon: That was one of my favorite books! Winston: I rest my case. > Shai rushed from the shadows, but she was too late. "Dammit!" She >said a single word and disappeared. Words clung to the air. Ray: (Words) Must.....cling....to...the...ai----AHHHHHH!!!! *SPLAT* >"I've got an idea." D: Too bad it includes our immediate demise. Peter: Oooh, good one! > Perplexed by the R'tina's parting words, Li'na sheathed her longsword Peter: You sure it was hers?! Egon: Ewww! D: [Quietly loads his Rocket Fist] >and found Falkyn lying in a pile of debris, his katana lay beyond his reach. >Li'na and Jor dug him out quickly and found he was okay, even after being >thrown through a twenty-inch thick stone wall by a blast of pure energy that >scorched his chest. Ray: (Falkyn) I'm built like a Timex, I can take a licking and keep on ticking! Peter: Hey if I'm licked, I'm going to tick too! Winston: That's disgusting! Peter: Hey, I can't help it if I'm lickable! VO Tory: And cardboard is edible... > "It's gone," Li'na said, "right after saying, 'Quoting one is plagarism, >quoting many is research.'" Winston: Li'na plagerized! She quoted the eyething! > "I wonder what it means," Jor said to himself, stroking his Peter: WHHOOOHAAAA!! Egon: Peter, NO! Peter: PE--OUCHIE! D: [replacing object to Egon's hands] Crisis avoided. >beard. > Falkyn quietly thought, and said finally, "Is there a library around >here?" > "Why a library?" Li'na asked. Ray: It's high time you've learned to read! > "'Quoting many is research,'" Falkyn repeated. "You use libraries to >research topics, and using just one book is considered plagarism." > "There's a library a few minutes east of here," Jor said. "Really big, >too. Can't miss it." Peter: Ok Egon, you can put the object away now. I won't make another comment. Egon: [raises one eyebrow] > "Thanks," Li'na said, and joined Falkyn on his trip to the library. > All: Hi Ho, Hi Ho, it's off to the library we go... *whistles* Peter: My name is Rick, I got a giant di--OUCH! Egon: I knew you were lying! Peter: [grumbles] > > The Zrinthian Public Library loomed over all Ray: I am the Zrinthian Public library. Fear me!!! *LOOM* >the surrounding buildings. It had a reputation of being the island's >greatest information center, and thus scholars and students flocked to it in Peter: Where else would you find the geeks? The Arcade!? >droves. Falkyn was there for one reason only: to find the R'itni that >assumed the form of Shaianne PeriHawk and return Jormungar Heyerdall's >stolen property. Egon: It's safe to assume that Falkyn is no scholar. > "It'll take days to find her in this place," Li'na said, rather >exaggerated. The best estimate for the time it would take to search the >entire library was calculated at approximately fourteen hours, thirty-eight >minutes, twelve seconds. Peter: [raises an eyebrow] Egon, you sure you're not masquerading as the author? Egon: Why do you ask? Peter: That last paragraph oddly sounded like you talking... > "I'll search triple-zero to five hundred," Falkyn said. "You can >search in five-oh-one through triple-nine." Peter: I'll go look in sixty-nine! Ray: HARF! D: May I use my Rocket Fist on him? Winston: What's the Rocket Fist? > "Wonderful." Li'na trudged off to the east side of the library. > Ray: Sugoi! (Wow) Peter: Ray, shut up! Egon: Kakkoi! (Cool) Winston: [sighs] > Falkyn quickly scanned the west side of the library. Aside from the >obvious rows upon rows of books, there were some people reading them, mostly >at tables. A few of them were copying information into notebooks, while >others just absorbed it into their minds. Falkyn noted everybody he saw, >but his target was not among them. It is inevitable, he thought, I will find you. > Winston: (Falkyn) Or my name isn't Falkyn! > Li'na sat down at a desk and rubbed her forehead. She had no idea >how long exactly they had been in the library, but she could see the sun >setting out a window. It's hopeless, she thought. We'll never find her in >here. Egon: You could try getting up and walking around. If someone's hiding, I don't think they'll just walk up on you! > Falkyn walked over to where she sat. "Finished looking that fast?" >he asked. > "No," Li'na said. "I barely even started." Winston: (Falkyn) Lazy woman! Back to work! *makes whipcracking sounds* Peter: Whoohoo! > Falkyn looked back to where he was looking. "I didn't find her. I >half expected her to have gone already." Peter: They have the detective skills of the Junior Ghostbusters! Ghostbusters: ARGH! Fourth Wall: AHHH! Peter: Hey, you! Be quiet! Fourth Wall: Sorry, you scared me! > Li'na sat back and said, "She probably is." Winston: Because you sat your lazy ass down! > Falkyn slowly shook his scarred head. "Maybe we should leave. We'll >have to tell Jor we lost the trail." > Winston: We...Suck... Peter: Let's...just....admit...it...we're...licked... Egon: We....should....go....home... Ray: We.....took......speech.....lessons....from....Shatner! D: Analysis.....Mr. Spock! > Jor was not pleased. "You're the worst excuse for a thug I've ever >seen in my life! If you couldn't do the job, you shouldn't have asked for >it!" Egon: (thug) We be--OUCH! Winston: Don't you even go near that road again! > Falkyn was getting ready to let loose. Peter: Finally!! > "We had no idea we would have to trail a R'itni." > "You should have thought of that possibility!" Jor shouted, getting >right in his face. "You can take your harlot and get out of here, NOW!!!" D: He's asking for it. Peter: DAMN! Egon: HA-HA! Ray: (Li'na) Let me at him! > Falkyn's eyes flashed maroon. He and Li'na drew their weapons and >struck. Winston: HAI-KEEBA! > Jor fell backward, his beard sliced clean off. Peter: I would have struck lower. > Li'na wanted to cut off more, but Falkyn stopped her. "Allow me." >With three swings, Falkyn carved up Jor's tunic, leaving him standing in his >underwear. "That will teach you to think before you open your mouth again," >the scarred warrior said as he slid his katana back into its sheath. "Shall >we leave?" he asked Li'na. > "Why not?" Li'na followed Falkyn out the door, leaving Jor to gather >his sliced tunic. > All: HEAVY NUDITY ACTION! Egon: I can't believe we said that! D: Close, but no nudity. > "Where to next?" Li'na asked. Peter: (Falkyn) Hotel? [sees Egon wielding the object] uh...to get some sleep! > Falkyn stared out to the horizon. "Wherever the wind takes us." Egon: Near, far, whe--OK I'll stop singing the song! Winston: You better! Ray: (Falkyn a la Ted) All we are, is dust in the wind, Dude. > She understood his mentality, but Li'na still had trouble Ray: Understanding stupidese. D: (Forrest Gump) Stupidese as stupid does. >understanding what Falkyn meant when he said something. She didn't say >anything and followed Falkyn's lead. Wherever they went, it was fine with >her. Peter: As long as she got what was coming to her! Others: [groan] D: May I use the Rocket Fist now? Egon: Sure. D: Thank you. [*KBANG*] Peter: Ooooooffff!!! [falls to the floor] Winston: THAT'S what the Rocket Fist is! D: Now that chapter 3 is done, we can get ready for chapter 4. [They exit the theatre with Winston dragging Peter] [Door sign: 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1] Peter: (coughing) Uh, can you take your fist out my chest now?! D: Hmm, maybe. Winston: You should keep that thing loaded, just in case. Egon: I was getting tired of having to bean him every time he said something stupid. Ray: Plus, his comments are getting more and more sick. Peter: Bah, you just don't know a good nude scene when you see one. I'll be glad when Falkyn and Li'na get busy! D: [Looks at Egon for approvement] Egon: [Nods at D, starts to cackle and pushes the button] [ FWOOOOOOOOOSH! ] \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ -----O----- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ [Screen goes dark, voices overheard] "What the hell are you laughing at?" "Do it, D!" "Right, Egon." *KBANG* "AAAARRRUUUGH!!!!" *THUD* "Um, D?" "Yes?" "I don't think it's suppose to stick out of his chest like THAT!" "Oops." ________________________________________________________________________ "Falkyn, Chapter 3" by: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) SHAMELESS PLUGS: You can find the rest of Falkyn the MSTing at: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com/Falkyn Tory's Real Ghostbusters Webpage: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com Komera Waddi's RPG and Interactive Stories: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Stadium/4989/ EMAIL US! Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) ________________________________________________________________________ > Falkyn was getting ready to let loose. Peter: Finally!!