Fan-Fiction Theater 3000 EPISODE: 030 -- It's So Hard to Say Goodbye. Today's Victim: Falkyn -- Chapter 30 by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) MSTed by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) and Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Disclaimer: The Real Ghostbusters are owned by Sony/DIC and Mystery Science Theatre 3K is owned by Best Brains inc., and we hope they don't mind us using their characters and settings. The Guyver was created by Yoshiki Takaya. Well, here it is, the final chapter of Falkyn. This is the last MSTing featuring the Real Ghostbusters. After this, we're moving on. That's not to say I may not use the Ghostbusters in the future... *evil grin* -Tory FFT3K Theme Song [cue MST3K track] In the not-too-distant future way out and deep in space A mysterious android, name is D, Is in a dark and lonely place Stuck up on SoL, all alone, Why not do an E.T. and grab a phone? He ran some tests until some me-te-ors Made the satellite home for the Ghost-bust-ers... (Peter: "IT'S RAY'S FAULT!!!") (Ray: "IS NOT!") "I'm reading cheesy fanfics, The worst, I can find, (LA LA LA) We'll have to sit and read them all, Or you'll gradually lose your mind!" (LA LA LA) Now keep in mind, the 'busters can't control Where the fanfics begin or end, (LA LA LA) D'll try to keep the sanity Of his newfound 'busting friends! GB Roll Call! Spengler! (We're on!) Zeddemore! (Oh, man!) Ray Stantz! (Check this out...HAI-KEEBA!) Venkmaaaaaan! (Hey, baby!) If you're wonderin' how they eat and breathe And other science facts, Just tell yourself, "It's just a MST," And you should really just relax. For Fan Fiction Theater, 3000! [Guitar twang] Peter: It should be The Real Ghostbusters 3000! *KBANG* Peter: OOOOF! [D retracts the Rocket Fist] STARRING: Spengler, Egon, Dr. 6'3" Blond hair, blue eyes (which happen to be myopic, hence the red glasses) A genius with an exaggerated I.Q. Contains multiple degrees in the field of parapsychology and physics. He is responsible for the creation of the proton packs and the ecto-containment unit. Stantz, Ray, Dr. 5'8" Red hair, brown eyes The youngest member of the group, second to Egon in holding multiple degrees. He specializes in engineering and occult sciences. Egon once said he had the mental state of a six year old. Venkman, Peter, Dr. 5'10" Dk. Brown hair, green eyes All-around idiot (no kidding, Peter: HEY!) Amazingly, he has two Ph.D's, one in psychology and the other in parapsychology. He's actually smarter than he pretends to be. Most trouble they're in, is because of Peter. Zeddemore, Winston, Dr. 5'11" Black hair, brown eyes The only member of the group who doesn't have a Ph.D, he earned his 'Dr' title as an honorary member of Columbia University. The only member of the group who has common sense (Winston: Damn straight!). D 6'0" No hair, yellow eyes A Model 27A Research/Development Android that was rebuilt after getting dismantled by the Ghostbusters and Windy. Looks similar to the Guyver, but less threatening (Peter: LESS THREATENING?!?!). * * * * [On the VoFF, the ex-Satellite of Love] Egon Spengler was wrapping up the final adjustments to Ecto-1K. Peter Venkman and Winston Zeddemore were also on hand, lending help when needed. Ray Stantz had taken the vampire, Windwalker, into the theater to lecture her on further MSTings. "Ray's with the vampire again?" Peter asked, stocking the luggage in the back compartment of the shuttle. Egon nodded, removing the screwdriver from his clenched teeth. "He said he had to show her something since she was remaining on the satellite." Winston was quiet for a second before the thought struck him. "You don't think he--" Winston was cut off by the loud explosion and the sounds of screams echoing from the theater entrance. The three men looked at each other. "He did!" They raced down the hallway into the main bridge and saw the remains of the theater entrance laying scattered about on the floor. Ray was huddled in a corner, arms poised above his head to keep any debris from attacking him. In the center of the bridge, on the main console, Windy was standing. Her dark hair stood up in fright, her violet eyes were wide. "Oh my god," Peter breathed. "He showed her BSSG." At the mention of BSSG, Windy screamed and ran from the bridge back into the theater. D peeked up from his hiding place under the console. "WE'VE GOT MOVIE SIGN!" He had been rebuilt since his dismantling, looking quite like the Guyver, but without the sharp points. Peter uttered. "Great, right along with a pissed vampire." [Door sequence, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1] [The six file into the Theatre] Winston: Hey, D! Nice new look! D: Thank you, Winston. It was Derek's intention to rebuild me "sleeker." > Falkyn -- Chapter 30 > By: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) > >________________________________________________________ > > Falkyn left the Islands on the /Crystal Beauty/ as per the Author's >order. Peter: (Author) Heeyah! *whipcrack* Ray: You want fries with that, hun?! > The trip to the mainland took several days, Egon: When in fact it was just supposed to be a three hour tour. D: o/~ A three hour tour... o/~ > and when Falkyn arrived, Windy: He started doing some window shopping! D: That's Falkyn, not you! Windy: Shaddup! >he immediately headed north-northwest. Egon: And exactly were would that be? Winston: North, northwest... Egon: I hate you. >He crossed a mountain range and found a wide, rolling expanse of desert >sands. All: [singing] o/~ Amber waves of grain... o/~ VO Tory: Now you guys know, that didn't make any sense! All: WE KNOW! VO Derek: I'm so glad this is the last one with these clowns. > Falkyn's gaze traveled across the horizon. "I wonder how far this >desert reaches," he asked himself. > Windy: Not that you're going to live long enough to see the end... Winston: ... Windy: Shaddup, Winston. Don't say a word! > He didn't even see it coming. Egon: THE HAND OF DEATH!! All: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Peter: Egon, don't do that! *THWAP* Egon: Ouch! > One minute, Falkyn was traversing the desert; the next, a sandstorm >was right on him. The whirling winds obscured his vision and he did his >best to keep the offending particles out of his eyes, but that wasn't >enough. Ray: No, it wasn't enough, because it was going to *kill him*! D: [dramatic organ music] Winston: What's with you guys? Peter: We're ready to get the hell outta here, that's what! > Sand got in his eyes, his suit, and his breathing passages. He fell >to his knees and tried to cough up the sand. "Beaten by the weather," he >gasped, his hand before his face, blocking the flying sands. "How degrading >this is." Peter: You call this degrading?! Degrading is becoming a woman, getting chibified and always catching a rocket fist once in a while. Winston: Latent hostility, Peter? Peter: Zip it, Zeddemore! > Falkyn collapsed to the ground as the whirling wind deposited its >sand on his back. Winston: (Wind) Here, take this for me. I have no use for it! > > The storm continued unabated for fifteen minutes. During that time, Windy: Falkyn was killed. Even though he's the main character, he gets no death scene. [short silence] Peter: Man, that was just evil. Ray: That's Windy for you. >a horse charged through the storm, carrying a heavily swathed rider on its >back. The rider stopped the horse and dismounted. The rider's gender was >indeterminable under its garb, Winston: Isn't that one of those details that don't really matter if you're dying!? Peter: Us: Yes. Falkyn: No. > but it cleared off some of the sand that >covered the being in its path. He was unconscious, breathing shallowly, and >he had scars across his body. The rider fished around in one of the horse's >saddlebags and procured a small bead. Windy: A bead?! It's not a bath bead is it?! Peter: That's you smelling like peppermint?! VO Tory: HEY! That's where my peppermint bath beads went! Windy: Whoops! > It gesticulated, murmured something >unintelligible, and a dome of yellowish-brown force appeared around the >horse, rider, and the man in the sand, protecting them from the sandstorm. > Ray: Dark Dome Close! Others: What?! Ray: Sorry, Sailormoon reference. All: BSSG ARGH! D: IIE! > The rider finished clearing off the sand on the man's body, and he >began coughing, attempting to dislodge the sand in his body. He rose to his >knee and looked around. The storm no longer surrounded him; in fact, it was >curving around him and away. Winston: Either that's magic, or Falkyn has some *serious* B.O. D: Trust me, it is magic we are witnessing. > "Nani?" he asked, looking around. > The rider handed him a waterskin. "Drink," it said. Egon: (Rider) Never mind the tangy aftertaste. Others: EWWW! EGON! D: I do not get it. Winston: You DON'T WANT TO! > "Arigatou." Falkyn partook of the water, then coughed more sand out >of his lungs. "Domou arigatou." All: [singing] o/~ Domou arigatou, Mr. Roboto! o/~ Ray: [jumps up and continues to sing] o/~ Thank you very much, oh Mr. Roboto. For helping me escape just when I needed to. THANK YOU! o/~ [short silence] Windy: You guys must give him a lot of sugar. > The rider removed its coverings, and revealed itself to be female, >with dark golden hair and crystal blue eyes. "You should be thankful that I >came when I did," she said, "or you'd surely have died in that storm." Egon: You mean he wasn't supposed to die? Damn! Windy: The geek is scaring me. Egon: DON'T CALL ME THAT! > "Wakarimashita." (I understand) > "Huh? Do you speak Common? I don't understand a thing you're >saying." Winston: You want to communicate? Show him a door! > "I am Falkyn," Ray: [gravelly voice] Bokuu wa, Farukin yo. Windy: Atashi wa, Windii yo. SHI-NE! Ray: ARGH! NO! [Peter and Winston grab Windy] Windy: Sorry! Reflex! >he said, bowing lightly. Sand poured out of his shirt as he did so. "I do >not know how long I was unconscious in that sandstorm." He removed his gi >top and shook the sand out of it. "The sand irritates, does it not?" Winston: Introducing Falkyn as... Captain Obvious! Egon: I thought that was Ray. Peter: No, you're Captain Obvious, Ray's Subtle Sidekick. Ray: HEY! > She looked him over. Three scars figured prominently on his body: >the one diagonally crossing his face, the one at his neck, and the one from >collar to between his pectoral muscles. "Can I ask where you got those >scars?" Windy: (Falkyn) Well, I had a run in with some patio doors. The damn things were completely made of glass! > "It would take too long to explain." Falkyn put his shirt back on. >"What might your name be?" Winston: Someone who will kill you! D: Again with the death themes? Peter: Being trapped'll do that to a man. Windy: Okay, the 'busters are scaring me now. And as a vampire, that's no easy feat! > "I'm Chien, a wizardess from Albard, a city on the other side of this >desert. D: I am Worf, son of Mogh! I have come to reclaim my father's honour! Winston: I am Ren, son of Primus, Prince of Octapon! Peter: More useless information for your daily lives! Winston: Shaddup. Egon: Is this the same Primus that had a song about a woman named Wanonna and her beaver? Others: o.O;; Egon: I guess not! Windy: I don't get it... Peter: [whispers something in Windy's ear] Windy: Oh..OH! O_O > I usually don't travel this far out of Albard, but I intended on >checking out what was on the eastern side of the continent. This desert, Egon: Complete with strawberries and whipped cream. Winston: First beavers, now fruit and cream. Egon, I worry about you. Peter & Ray: [snickering] Egon: What?! Windy: Now that, I understood. O_O >the 'Scorched Wastes,' stretches from north to south, cutting off the east >from the west. Very few attempt to cross, and even less make it." Windy: 'Cuz it's just so damn far! > Falkyn sat in the sand. "I arrived here earlier today, and have been >walking the desert until the storm struck and I was laid out for the storm >to drown me in its sands." He raised his head. "I came from the R'itni >Islands, if you have heard of them." Ray: Hey, Falkyn. Chances are if you haven't heard of Albard, she hasn't heard of R'itni! Peter: Nitpicker. > Chien shook her head. "Can't say I have. Why'd you come here?" > "I was told my destiny had been fulfilled by the Author Himself. He >told me to find a new protector of the Islands and leave. Unless He tells >me, I am not to return. For three years I protected the Islands, and I >fulfilled His Prophecy by thwarting Evil twice. Thanatos is the Evil, and >he plans to return to the Prime Material Plane in twelve years, when he is >able. I only hope the Author grants His powers to the new defender, Kerad >Dyilf." [Short silence] Windy: Damn, why didn't he just give her his social security number! Winston: Nah, the blood test is quicker! > "You know Kerad Dyilf?" Chien suddenly inquired. "Do you know what >he's done?" Egon: Do we want to know? Others: NO! > "I take it Kerad is a criminal?" Falkyn slowly blinked, as if >uncaring of this new information. Windy: He's a *smooth* criminal! Others: BOOOOO! GET OFF THE STAGE! Egon: No more MTV for the vampire! Windy: AWWWW! > "No, he actually staved off an invasion of the Western Lands almost >single-handedly. He's considered a hero by my people, but as soon as the >war ended, he left, as if he didn't care for his title." Ray: If you'd killed a lot of people, you wouldn't care for that title, either. Windy: Yeah, especially if some were, you *BLEEP* and son of a *BLEEP* That dirty *BLEEP*-- Winston: We get the picture, Windy! > Falkyn absently nodded. "I see. He is now the Islands' Ray: [Cheezy accent] Welcome to de islands, mon! > new >protector, as per the Author's Prophecy. Kerad should gain the power that All: [He-Man] I... HAVE... THE POWERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! >the Author granted to me so he can defend as I did." Egon: All Falkyn needs to say is 'We', and he'd be a Borg! D: I am Falkyn of Borg. Resistance is futile. We will add your biological, technological, and doorological distinciveness to our own. All: [snigger] [Klaxons indicate break time. They file out] VO Derek: D, that was horrid. D: I was merely joining the MSTing, Master. VO Derek: Well, on to other matters; for your viewing pleasure, I have D's new vital statistics. All but D: Oh, dammit! VO Derek: Shut up, you ingrates! This is good info! [A technical schematic of the new D appears on the viewscreen] > ------------------------------------------------------------- > Technical Specifications: "D2" Peter: D2: Judgement Day! Winston: D2: The Mighty Ducks! > > Designation: Model 27 Alpha Research/Development Android Egon: No longer a High-Density Productivity 'droid? D: I can still perform those functions, Dr. Spengler. > Height: 180 cm > Weight: 220 kg (apx. 80 kg removed from original design > through modification and redesign) Windy: (D) I lost 80 kilograms on the Slim-Fast(C) plan! > Optic Sensor Color: Yellow > Date of Completion: 20 February 2000 > External Protection: Titanium alloy plating Winston: Same old, same old, right, D? D: Of course. Titanium alloys are resistant to tarnish and oxidisation. > Central Processor: Positronic matrix running at 600 MHz, 60 > TB (terabyte) hard disk storage Egon: The new Pentium 6 I've been hearing about! Ray: Don't bother; it's already obsolete! > Internal Power Source: High-capacity solar cells w/ seven > external solar energy collectors. Peter: Is that what those panels on your shoulders are for? D: Correct. I need seven panels to supply enough energy to function properly. > ------------------------------------------------------------- > Features: > 360-degree optic sensors (located on top of cranial unit) Ray: Is your hindsight 20/20? D: ... I refuse to answer that inquiry. > Gyroscopic stabilisation unit (located at waist) > Voice-recognition software, capable of storing fifty unique > voice patterns (more can be held in an external > storage vessel) > Compressed-air-powered "Rocket Fist" (wrist-mounted) Peter: Dammit! He's still got them! Windy: Hahaha! You're dead, Venkman! [compressed air hiss from D's wrist] > Dual ion cannon, codename "MegaSmasher" (optional, chest- > mounted) Peter: Gives a whole new meaning to the term "flashing"! [He takes a Rocket Fist from D] Peter: Wooooffff!!! > Combat computer w/ access to twenty-five known styles and > substyles of martial arts (optional, inside cranial > unit) Ray: [singing] o/~ Everyone was kung-fu fightin'... o/~ > ------------------------------------------------------------- [klaxons sound] Peter: We spent the entire break looking at this?! Egon: You got that right, Peter. Peter: Dammit! [Door sequence] [6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1] [The six file in and sit down] > Chien looked out the side of the dome. "The storm should pass by in >about an hour. This spell will last a little longer than that. It's >about eighty kilometres to Albard, but I doubt we'll get there by >nightfall." > "If the storm abates by then." Falkyn crossed his legs and folded >his hands as his eyelids dropped. > Ray: (Falkyn's eyelids) EEEYAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! *THUD* Windy: Short and tastless. Just like you. Ray: STAY AWAY FROM ME! Windy: Don't worry, I don't want to bite you... Anymore. > "Hey, it's passed, Falkyn. We can head to Albard now." Peter: Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars. > Falkyn snapped out of his meditation when Chien shook his shoulder. >He stood and looked around. "You have dispelled the force field?" Winston: Is it me, or does Falkyn sound like Spock on 'shrooms? Peter: Nope, that's Egon. Egon: SHADDUP! > "Yeah, what'd you expect, Elminster himself? Any beginning mage can >dispel a force field like that one." Chien paused for a moment. "Kinda >naive when it comes to magic, I take it?" Ray: Well, that and basic intelligence. > Falkyn nodded. "I wasn't brought up with magic. I have used my own >knowledge and skills to fight." Winston: (Falkyn) I invented a new fighting style. Doorjutsu! D: Ahh, Doorjutsu, the Art of the Door. A strenuous style, requiring great physical strength for door-smashing... VO Derek: D... > "Well, hop on and I'll give you a lift to Albard." Chien pulled >herself into the horse's saddle and motioned for Falkyn to join her. > "I appreciate your offer, but I can follow beside you." > Chien looked skeptical. "How'll you do that? Sandrunner can hit >twenty-four kilometres an hour when he feels like it." Peter: Is Sandrunner any relation to Windwalker? Ray: Isn't Sandrunner a *horse*?! Other Ghostbusters: [scooting away franticlly] Windy: NANI?! LIGHTNING BOLT! Peter: EEEYIPE! > "You'll see what I mean." Peter: Hint hint, wink wink. Windy: You know, he was doing good in the hentai area, but... SHOCKING GRASP! Peter: ARGH! *THUD* > Chien shrugged and snapped the reins. Sandrunner blasted off in a >fierce gallop, leaving Falkyn in his dust. > Suddenly, Chien heard Falkyn's voice beside her. "It's rude to leave >me behind like that," he said. > She turned and saw Falkyn, literally flying beside her. "How...?" >Chien couldn't form a proper question, she was so stunned. Egon: She shouldn't have ate that mushroom, then. > Not averting his gaze from the western horizon, Falkyn replied, "It >is the 'Buku-jutsu' technique, allowing me to fly as if I were a bird. I >believe it is a gift from the Author Himself." Winston: Were the mass of splinters a gift as well? > "You speak of the author as if he was a god." All: O.O Egon: No one say a word, or we'll all burn for it! VO Derek: You darn right you will! > "To me, He is. He gave me my powers, my abilities, and He is >deserving of my worship. He shows preference for me, it would seem. He >appeared to me last week, in all three forms of His psyche: Id, Ego, and >Superego. Kerad will have the power to defend the Islands, I am no longer >concerned with the happenings of that place." Peter: Whoo! Don't you just love these delusions of grandeur?! VO Derek: You bet I do! > "We definitely won't make it to Albard by nightfall. We'll have to >make camp somewhere along the way." > Ray: As long as it's not Camp Crystal! All: AHHH! > Sure enough, Falkyn and Chien couldn't see Albard by the time night >had settled in. Chien created a fire and rummaged around in one of her >saddlebags, retrieving a spellbook. Peter: Hey! That's the same book Ray has! Spellcasting for Dummies! Ray: PETER! > Falkyn sat away from the fire, crossed >his legs, and folded his hands as he did before. > "What're you doing?" Chien asked. > "Channelling my chi," Falkyn replied smoothly. "It allows me to use >it more efficiently. If I were to use unfocused chi, there would be a >tremendous drain on my body, not to mention the wracking pain of draining >your own life force." Windy: Damn, you mean he'd be dead already and Falkyn would have never been written?! Winston: Yep. Windy: AW, MAN! > "I see..." Chien went back to the spellbook, mouthing the words to >some arcane spell. Ray: Vlaato. Kaaratu. Nikdo! Egon: Wrong. VO Ash: See! The kid genius couldn't get it right either! [Short silence] Winston: Uh, where did he come from?! D: "Army of Darkness", of course. The correct term is "Klaatu, Barada, Nikto." VO Derek: "The Day the Earth Stood Still." He's got data on all the good science fiction. Ray: You call that GOOD sci-fi?! > Falkyn's chi enveloped him in a maroon-gold aura, and a wind seemed >to pick up around him. His hair whipped around him and his face grimaced. >He spoke in low Japanese. Suddenly, his eyes flashed open, glowing golden >maroon. He yelled an unintelligible yell and a gold-maroon column of >light blasted down from the heavens. He vanished and reappeared above his >previous position, body charged with chi. He plummetted to the sand, fist >first, and blasted the place where he originally sat, the sand ionizing >into glass under the heat. The aura faded and died as he slowly rose to >his feet. All: What the hell was that?! > "What in Tartarus was that?" she demanded, a very scared, fearful >look in her eyes. Winston: Great, even the characters in the story are confused! > After a brief pause, Falkyn simply replied, "I have no idea. It is a >new technique I just devised, but it sorely drained me. I will need to >rest before I can continue on to Albard." He collapsed to his knees and >one forearm. "I may lapse into unconsciousness soon. Good night, Chien." > Egon: Question. What's the use of this new technique if he's not the protector anymore?! Peter: Showing off? Egon: I guess so! > Falkyn awoke to the blinding rays of the sun creeping up over the >horizon. Chien slept silently alongside Sandrunner, a white blanket >pulled up over her body. > "I should let her sleep," he said to himself. "Maybe I can see this >city of Albard from above." Ray: Yes, more instances of Falkyn showing off. > He channelled his chi into a Buku-jutsu and shot straight up. He >looked to the west, tapping chi to magnify his vision. He saw a large >city in the direction they were travelling, which had to be Albard. "All >right, she wasn't lying. At least I know I can trust her." > Windy: Man, is there anything this guy *CAN'T* do?! Peter: He's still bad at opening doors. Windy: BESIDES that! Peter: ... Windy: GOTCHA! > Chien awoke to find that Falkyn wasn't there. "Huh? Falkyn, where'd >you go?" She looked around, then up, to see a small figure looking to the >west. "Falkyn!" she cried to the figure. "What're you doing up there?" Egon: He's certainly not swimming, now, is he? > The figure rapidly descended to her location. Sure enough, it was >Falkyn. "I was just trying to find Albard. It looks inviting from up >there, anyway." Winston: I wonder if Falkyn could be coaxed into a death trap? Windy: And you always said I was the dark one. > "I want to get up and continue, but--" she motioned with her head to >a pile of grayish clothes. "I have to get dressed. I hope you're not >shy." Windy: Retarded: Yes. Shy: Maybe. Good at opening doors: Hell, no! > "Don't worry, I won't look." Falkyn turned around and crossed his >arms. Peter: Not that it matters, anyway; the man's as frigid as the north pole. > Trusting that Falkyn wouldn't peep, Chien drew away her sheet and >started dressing herself. All: [singing] o/~ I ain't afraid to dress myself! o/~ > "Shall we be off?" she asked when she was done, draping a white cloth >across her face and mounting Sandrunner. > All: [singing] o/~ We're off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of Oz! o/~ D: o/~ We hear he is a wiz of a wiz, if ever a wiz there was! o/~ > They made it to Albard just after noon. Chien took Falkyn to her >house, in the shade of the city wall. > "I'll let you stay here for a while," she said. "Then you can go >wherever you're going." Winston: --Just get the hell out of here. Ray: Funny you should mention hell... > Falkyn stepped into the cool shade of the house. "I will commune >with the Author and learn from Him where I am to go from here. However, I >have a feeling He has something up His proverbial sleeve." > Peter: ARGH! Not more chapters! All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! > Later that night, Falkyn sat on the white roof of Chien's house and >began his communal with the Author. Windy: Now Falkyn has access to Internet Explorer?! Egon: YIPE! Internet Exploiter!? Ray: BLASHPEMY! HERETIC! Windy: What did I say?! Winston: These two prefer Netscape. > "In Your infinite wisdom and omniscience," he droned, "I implore you, >the Author, He who determines all our destinies, to unveil to me mine >own!" Winston: If this unveiling involves clothing, I'm outta here! > Thunder echoed as clouds billowed overhead. Rather than a lightning >bolt, the Author materialized from the air itself. He was alone, without >Id and Superego, and without His ski jacket. Windy: Excuse me?! "His" is capitalized?! Ray: Yep. Windy: Anyone else hear the sound of a head growing big? Egon: We heard it chapters ago! VO Derek: [squeaky] Help! I'm chibified! VO Tory: That's what you get for inflating your stupid ego! *THWACK* > "It would be far too hot if I wore it," He remarked. Peter: Thus proving that Falkyn is indeed in hell. Ray: (Falkyn) I knew I saw a handbasket this morning! > "You ask of me >your destiny, my follower? Are you prepared for it, as it may be >unsettling at the most?" Egon: (Author) Are you ready for a lifetime as a... D: [dramatic organ chord] Egon: (Author) DOOR REPAIRMAN!? Peter: (Falkyn) DEAR GOD, NOOOOO! > "I am, Author. Please, I need to know this." > The Author bowed His head. "You have already found it. Here, with >Chien. The Manuscript of Your Life names Chien Duraang as your mate for >life." > Falkyn was absolutely speechless. All: [absolutely speechless] > "I told you it would be shocking," the Author said. "But you don't >have to defend this land from the ravages of Thanatos and his armies of >darkness; you need only relax and enjoy life for once. Kerad has >everything under control... Winston: And considering it's Kerad, all hell's gonna break loose! > "I think." Egon: Certainly not Falkyn! > "You THINK?!" Falkyn was now astonished. "Are you not the Author? >You can banish Thanatos to the realm of Nothingness!" Ray: Hey, Winston's been there before! Winston: [shudders] Don't remind me! > "But if I did, they wouldn't have anything to read." He pointed >toward the PC monitor from which you are reading this story. *KKKKKKKAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM* Egon: Oh, dear. Winston: Oh, my god! They killed the Fourth Wall! Peter: YOU BASTARDS! > Falkyn followed his finger. "Ahh, I see now!" Winston: (Falkyn) I see a nice oak door that I need to attend to! > "Settle down in Albard with Chien. Your work is done, but I'll keep >an eye on you." With that, the Author dissipated and returned to His >Plane. Windy: In His airport with His flight plans. Egon: And now the vampire is starting to *not* make sense. Windy: Hey, man, I just watched the BSSG trilogy. Don't I get a break? Egon: After that... [shudders] Yes. > "I must wed Chien," Falkyn muttered. "Our destinies meet here, and >are intertwined from here on." Winston: Oh, please! Li'na was throwing herself at him, he didn't want her. But Derek says, "Go with Chien," and Falkyn says YES?! ARGH! Egon: For once I can say this: Ignore the logic, Winston. > > > The End All: OSHIMAI! DA YO! All: WHOOOHOOO! Ghostbusters: FREEDOM IS OURS! Windy: Awww. You guys are leaving afterwards. *sniff* [latches onto Ray] Ray: ARGH! > > The Author, Derek Floyd, finished tapping out those seven characters. [short silence] Fourth Wall: ARGH! *THUD* Winston: Dear god! Please don't let it be previews! >"Well, Falkyn, ol' pal," he said, "it's been real. No, it's been >metaphysical. Thirty chapters in two years, and now Kerad's in your place >as Guardian of the Islands." Ray: And we don't know whether to be frightened or happy. Peter: But just to be safe... All: AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! > Letting out a sigh, Derek was about to save and close the Notepad >when he realized something. "Nah, it's not important." He saved the >final chapter and hit the "Close" icon. Peter: Whew! Thought he was going to add more there for a second. Windy: Ano... Shouldn't the fourth wall be twitching right about now? D: ARGH! Others: WINDY! NO! Fourth Wall: ARGH! *BOOOOOOM* [The theater shakes and dust rains down on them] Egon: Just had to say something. > "Yeah, it sure has been metaphysical. You were originally absolutely >chaotic, but you've changed into a trained, disciplined man, worthy of Ray: --trashing every door from here to Japan! Egon: (Falkyn) WHOOOOHOOOOOO!! >my respect." Derek leaned back and continued, "Nah, I'm not gonna write >another interlude and an epilogue. Or should I...?" All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DON'T DO IT!!!! > He chuckled under his breath. All: EEEEEEYYYYYYAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Stampede ensues, Windy and D are trampled in the wake] Windy: Itai! D: I would complain about pain, except I can't feel it. Windy: Then let me. ITAI! [Door sequence: 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1] D helped the vampire out of the Theatre and to the hangar bay, where the repaired Ecto-1K awaited launch. "Being a vampire has its perks," she noted. "I can recover faster than normal humans." The Ghostbusters piled in, and Egon got the systems on-line for takeoff. "See ya around," Peter remarked, waving to the two outside. "Wait." D presented a small box to the Ghosbusters. "Recordings of the MSTings we went through. You may enjoy them when you get back to Earth." The four reluctantly accepted the gift. "The first thing I'm looking forward to when I get home," Peter began, "is kicking Derek and Tory's--" *THAKOOOOMMMM!!!* "--Yaargh!!!!!" "Anywhere you are, it is unwise to insult Tory or Derek." "Rrrrgh, I'm aware of that, you tin-can." The engines powered up and the warning klaxons came on. Windy and D left the hangar before the Ecto-1000 left, heading for Earth. "Ja ne," Derek's voice said over the comm. "D, Windy, the ficporter is ready to recieve your next set of guests. Head up to the bridge on the double." Out of the ficporter came the next three guests: Li'na Sivad, Falkyn, and the Divine Demon, Tenma. Windy immediately glomped onto the giant red-haired fighter. "Tenma-chan!" she squealed. "I've read all about you! I'm your number-one fan!" "Hey!" Tory's voice bellowed. "I'M his number one fan! You stay away from him!" Tenma turned to Falkyn and Li'na. "It could be worse," he said with a smug grin. "I could have more women hanging off me!" "Welcome to the Vault of FanFiction," D announced. "All we have is at your disposal. Do you require anything?" Falkyn stretched, the halo over his head remaining in the same spot as his head dipped backward. "Just a large enough space to work out in." "I will see what we have." Windy grinned and reached over, hitting the button. [ FWOOOOOOOOOSH! ] \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ -----O----- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ [Screen goes dark] "Uh, Windy-san? Could you *not* put your hand there!?" "Heheheh!" "WINDY!" "Gomen!" ________________________________________________________________________ "Falkyn, Chapter 30" by: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) SHAMELESS PLUGS: You can find the rest of Falkyn the MSTing at: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com/Falkyn Tory's Real Ghostbusters Webpage: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com Komera Waddi's RPG and Interactive Stories: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Stadium/4989/ EMAIL US! Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) _________________________________________________________________________ > "But if I did, they wouldn't have anything to read." He pointed >toward the PC monitor from which you are reading this story. *KKKKKKKAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM* Egon: Oh, dear. Winston: Oh, my god! They killed the Fourth Wall! Peter: YOU BASTARDS!