Fan-Fiction Theater 3000 EPISODE: **4 -- The Android D Today's Victim: The Origin of D by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) MSTed by Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) and Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Disclaimer: The Real Ghostbusters are owned by Sony/DIC and Mystery Science Theatre 3K is owned by Best Brains, Inc., and I hope they don't mind us using their characters and settings. FFT3K Theme Song [cue MST3K track] In the not-too-distant future way out and deep in space A mysterious android, name is D, Is in a dark and lonely place Stuck up on SoL, all alone, Why not do an E.T. and grab a phone? He ran some tests until some me-te-ors Made the satellite home for the Ghost-bust-ers... (Peter: "IT'S RAY'S FAULT!!!") (Ray: "IS NOT!") "I'm reading cheesy fanfics, The worst, I can find,(LA LA LA) We'll have to sit and read them all, Or you'll gradually lose your mind!" (LA LA LA) Now keep in mind, the 'busters can't control Where the fanfics begin or end, (LA LA LA) D'll try to keep the sanity Of his newfound 'busting friends! GB Roll Call! Spengler! (We're on!) Zeddemore! (Oh, man!) Ray Stantz! (Check this out...HAI-KEEBA!) Venkmaaaaaan! (Hey, baby!) If you're wonderin' how they eat and breathe And other science facts, Just tell yourself, "It's just a MST," And you should really just relax. For Fan Fiction Theater, 3000! [Guitar twang] Peter: It should be The Real Ghostbusters 3000! *KBANG* Peter: OOOOF! [D retracts the Rocket Fist] STARRING: Spengler, Egon, Dr. 6'3" Blond hair, blue eyes (which happen to be myopic, hence the red glasses) A genius with an exaggerated I.Q. Contains multiple degrees in the field of parapsychology and physics. He is responsible for the creation of the proton packs and the ecto-containment unit. Stantz, Ray, Dr. 5'8" Red hair, brown eyes The youngest member of the group, second to Egon in holding multiple degrees. He specializes in engineering and occult sciences. Egon once said he had the mental state of a six year old. Venkman, Peter, Dr. 5'10" Dk. Brown hair, green eyes All-around idiot (no kidding, Peter: HEY!) Amazingly, he has two Ph.D's, one in psychology and the other in parapsychology. He's actually smarter than he pretends to be. Most trouble they're in, is because of Peter. Zeddemore, Winston, Dr. 5'11" Black hair, brown eyes The only member of the group who doesn't have a Ph.D, he earned his 'Dr' title as an honorary member of Columbia University. The only member of the group who has common sense (Winston: Damn straight!). D, Master of the Rocket Fist [demonic grin] 6'0" No hair, yellow eyes A Model 27 High-Density Productivity Android that took residence at the abandoned Satellite of Love. How or why he's there, no one knows. Looks like a cross between Adam of Shining Force and Data from ST: TNG. * * * * [On the VoFF, the ex-Satellite of Love] Peter: Ah! Another day, another story. Ray: You're pretty optimistic today. Peter: Not optimisitic...just happy. Egon: Oh really? Peter: I had a date! [a demonic grin appears on his face] Egon: With whom? Peter: Windy! VO Derek: NANI?!?! VO Tory: Down boy! Ray: [shudders] That vampire is insane! How could you date her!? Peter: Um...well... Winston: What he means to say is: "I have urges!" Ray: Oh...OH!!! [Winston stands up and walks over to Peter. After investigating Peter's dreamy like expression, he rears back in shock] Winston: YOU DIDN'T! Peter: I did...and I'd do it again! Egon: I didn't want to hear that. Peter: She bites too much. Ray: She *IS* a vampire! Wait, are you saying you slept with her?! [his face turns red] Winston: He did. Egon: Ugh! Winston: You are such a-- Peter: I AM NOT! Ray: [face still red] I mean...did she...you know? Egon: Ray, you shouldn't even be asking questions like that! Ray: What? I've had...er...sex before. Winston: You? Sex? Ray: Yes! Although I'm not as 'friendly' as Peter...I've had my share. Egon: I'm sure we've all done the deed, but we don't need to talk about it! Peter: Whatever Egon! We all know you're the biggest freak in the whole bunch! Winston: Egon's a freak?! Peter: Egon's the freak of the week! Why do you think Janine is always chas--OUCHIE! Egon: *THWAP* SHUT THE BLEEP UP! Ray: [entire face and neck is red] VO Tory: You're starting to go into red territory now. Shut up. Peter: Really? You know, Egon had a set of cuffs... VO Tory: ECCHI! Egon: PETER! VO Derek: D, call it! D: We've got Movie Sign!! [Door sign 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6] [They trail in and sit down] > The Origin of "D" > Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) >_________________________________________________________ Ray: So the Line says to the rhino: "...Am I line or what?! Get it? Lying, Line? Laugh or I'll bite your butt!" Peter: [raises an eyebrow] Egon: I think he went over the line on that one. Winston: Gotta love that selected humor. > What exactly is D, the Model 27 High-Density Productivity Android? Winston: What exactly is Ecto-1000, the Model 27 PIECE OF CRAP THAT DIED ON US!?!? AND IT'S ALL RAY'S STUPID FAULT, I'LL NEVER TRUST HIM AGAIN! Ray: EEEP! Peter: Whoa, Winston! Calm down! Winston: Sorry, the tension's getting to me! D: It can at times. >What the heck does his designation mean? Peter: I'm sure you're gonna tell us! >Who created him? Winston: Lemme guess: you?!!? >You've probably been asking yourself those questions since you read "Falkyn >1: the MSTing." > Egon: I've been asking a lot of questions, but that isn't one of them... > Let us go back in time, to his humble beginnings... > All: [waving their hands] Dooly, dooly, dooly, dooly, doooooooooooooo! > *BZAP!* Egon: YEEEOUCH! Ray: Eh?! Peter: I don't EVEN want to know. VO Tory: I think Egon's having flashbacks of those tests we ran on him. VO Derek: Definitely. > "There! I'm done!" Peter: Then wipe after yourself! > His creation was finally done. After two long years, and ten >mistakes, his first fully functional android was finished. Egon: He built an android in TWO YEARS?! Who is he? Stephen Hawkins!?!? Peter: [muttering] I think genius here is jealous... Egon: Shaddap!! VO Derek: Yep. Definitely jealous of my achievement. >He hit the switch under its chin, and its eyes glowed to life. Winston: Where he rose up and killed Derek! Egon: WATCH IT! Peter: OH S-- Ray: HIT THE DECK! [A large bomb falls on Winston] VO Tory: HEY! I said don't bother Winston! CALL ME QUEEN! VO Derek: YIPE! GOMEN NASAI! ITAI! > "Greetings, friends," it said. "I am D, a Model Twenty-Seven High- >Density Productivity Android." Egon: (D) And I'm your friend to the end. Hidey ho, ha ha ha... > "D," its creator said, "I am your creator, Derek Floyd. What is your >primary function?" Ray: (D) Master? Peter: (Derek) Master, schmaster! I am your sole God. WORSHIP ME OR DIE! Ray: (D) Aah! Winston: (back in one piece) [starts humming 'Masterblaster'] > "My primary function is to assist those who require it in any task >they may have." Peter: For those three handed missions...OUCH! Egon: Man, haven't done that in a while. That felt kinda good... [Egon goes almost wild, wacking away at Peter] Peter: DAMMIT, EGON! OUC--AR-00-DAM--ARRRGGGHHH!!!! Winston: [grabs Egon] Alright, Tarzan. The party ends now. Egon: Drat. Ray: *WHACK* Peter: HEY! Ray: You're right, Egon! It *IS* fun! *WHACK* Peter: OUCHIE! What is this? Beat on Peter day?! VO Tory: You're right...*WHACK* VO Derek: AH! VO Tory: Sorry, I was aiming for Peter! VO Derek: Oh, sure! > Derek buffed D's shoulder free of a grease spot. "I even impress >myself, some times. D, you are my greatest creation!" Egon: Oh dear! Ray: Arrrgh! Winston: Can't...breathe... Peter: What?! Ray: His ego is sucking the oxygen out the room! > "Thank you, Master." Peter: (D) May I have another?! Winston: (Derek) Of course! D: *BZAP* Peter: (D) Oooooh, Daddy!!!! Egon: Stop it right there! Peter: Oops! I meant... (D) Aah! Ray: Shyeah, right. D: Dr. Venkman is clearly lying. Probability of truth: 1.52%. > > ------------------------------------------------------------- Peter: Some how I feel we should do a line joke. Winston: I'm stuck, go for it Ray. Ray: This is the longest line for tickets to the Spice Girls? Egon: [groans] D: I agree, that was unhumorous. > Technical Specifications: "D" > Egon: (Derek) Stuff you puny minded mortals can never understand. MUHAHAHAHAHAR! IMPENDING DOOM!!! [Cue standard doom effects of before] Ray: You know, I think it's time for Egon to take a vacation. Winston: Looks like his brain is already on one... D: A sorely extended one, at that. > Designation: Model 27 High-Density Productivity Android Peter: And what may that productivity be? Eh, eh?! > Height: 180 cm > Weight: 300 kg Ray: Been putting away those titanium bars as of late? D: At least I am not known as the 'chubby one.' Ray: IT'S MY METABOLISIM...WAAAAAAAA!!!!!! [Egon consoles Ray by patting his shoulder] Egon: There, there... [frowns at D] Peter: That was incredibly rude, D!!! Winston: That was even lower than Peter. Peter: Yea--HEY! D: I apologize. My mass is due to the density of my body materials. > Optic Sensor Color: Yellow Peter: Freaky! Winston: I said testing that stuff'll do that to ya! > Date of Completion: April 2, 1999 Ray: Date of Ghostbuster torture: April 3, 1999... VO Derek: [evil grin] > External Protection: Titanium alloy plating Peter: More stiff than a rod up the--amrugoghlrhg! Winston: I had to stop you there! That sounded like it was going to be disgusting! D: Considering Peter, it was. > Central Processor: Positronic matrix running at 600 MHz, 60 TB > (terabyte) hard disk storage Peter: [starts sniggling] Winston: What? OH! [starts giggling] Egon: And you said I was being disgusting. Ray: I don't want to know. > Internal Power Source: Cold-fusion nuclear reactor, running on > neptunium/plutonium fuel rods Winston: And saturnium! Egon: And moonium! Ray: Don't forget uranusnium! Peter: My anus what?! Egon: He said Uranus, not Your Anus! IDIOT! D: I see you are not afraid of radiation sickness. Well, nuclear fusion produces very little waste, and my power core is shielded with lead, concrete, and titanium, so you should be safe. > ------------------------------------------------------------- > Peter: [singing] Come on, come on. Dooo the locomotion with me! > Derek presented his creation to his family, and even his sister was >impressed with his work. Egon: (Sister) Gee, for once you didn't screw up! Peter: (Mother) Stop teasing your brother and eat your arsenic! Egon: (Sister) Aah! Winston: (Father) Even though the kid did create a fully functioning android in two years....I wonder if the lab is buying kids again... Peter: Just had to get that in, eh? Winston: Yep! Ray: Even though it's a bit irrelevant. Winston: Ray, shut up. > Following this, Derek decided to allow D to help him with his fantasy Ray: 0_0 Peter: 0.0 Egon: @_@ Winston: @.@ D: I swear, you all are perverted! Master, why did I let them on the satellite in the first place? >story "Falkyn" and his science fiction story "Steel Falcon." > Ghostbusters: (*^_^*) Oops! D: Perverted, the whole lot! Ray: Oh, no! You mean we're going to read Steel Falcon too!? VO Derek: Good chance, though. Winston: NOOOOOOO!!!! Peter: I promise to never be hentai again! Egon: Really!? Peter: No, but I had to bargin *something!* D: Probability of truth: 0.17%. > D was a big help to Derek; in only a month, they had added four new >chapters to "Falkyn" and completed half of "The Past of Steel Falcon." Peter: Any of you get the feeling he's making this up as he goes along? Ghostbusters: Aye! Peter: And there you have it. > "D, you are simply amazing!" Derek told it. Egon: What did D do? Buy him dinner?! D: No, I am his creation. Hence, I am amazing to him. Peter: Uh-huh... D: Did you not "promise" to not be hentai? > "Thank you, Master. You designed me for perfection, as I recall." > "And you recall correctly." > Ray: And I recall humans not being perfect and theoretically impossible at creating perfection. Egon: And I recall machines are not perfect, but merely designs of human intuition. Winston: And I recall both of you getting your asses smashed last time you said something like this. Egon and Ray: And you recall correctly...dangit. > When his friends, Brandon Houston and Tristan Leger, met D, they were >positively stunned; not only at D itself, but what it had done in only a >month, compared to what they had done in over a year. Peter: Did he just diss his friends or WHAT! Egon: I concur. I guess they're mere imbeciles in Derek's eyes. > "This guy's so cool!" Tristan said. "Why's his name so long?" > "And why'd you pick twenty-seven?" Brandon asked. Ray: And how come his leg twitches when I do this! [Pokes D in the shoulder] D: *KBANG* Ray: OOOF! D: Wrong shoulder. > Derek replied, "It was arbitrary; you know how many times twenty- >seven apears in pop culture? Winston: Pepsi or Coke? Peter: I choose Jiff! D: Dr. Venkman would... Egon: Meaning, the idiot would. Ray: Ha ha! Peter: Ha ha hell! That wasn't funny! >It's tattooed on the arm of Green Day's lead singer, Weird Al refers to the >number in his songs, it's even at the twenty-seventh decimal place in pi!" >Derek continued his rant. "Twenty-seven is slowly making its way into our >lives! It will enter every aspect of our lives, until we see it >everywhere!" Ghostbusters: [just blinking and staring] Ray: I think I'm going to let that one slide on by. Peter: I'm with you! [salutes to the screen] Winston: Anything said will result in serious lightning bolts and bombs. Egon: I agree, wholeheartedly. VO Derek: You'd better agree wholeheartedly, buddy! > "You're nuts, man," Brandon said. "Sit down before you hurt >yourself!" Ray: HE said it, not ME! Peter: That latter part might have already occured. Winston: True, we are here... > "My master is prone to these fits of periodic insanity," D announced. Egon: (Derek) Hi, my name is Derek and I'm insane. Peter: (Random member) Hi, DeReK! WeLcOmE!! ARRRRGHGHGH! Winston: What the?! Peter: Insane scream... Winston: Oh. Ray: He would know the scream of the insane. D: Birds of a feather flock together, as the saying goes. >"It is harmless, and the only after-effect is his need to breathe deeply." Egon: Oh, I see. Genius here forgot to breathe. You know the mind does go insane after being deprived of oxygen. VO Derek: Let's just see about *that*... [A large hand reaches down and starts to strangle Egon.] Egon: MRUGHTHGHH!!! Peter: Heh! Egon was right as always! > Derek was doing just that. "D's *HUFF* holding a lot of the info >that I used to have on my computer. *PUFF* His sixty-terabyte memory core >is the largest in existence, and I *HUFF*PUFF* created it, using only an old >twenty-K hard drive and *HUFF*PUFF* my ingenuity *COUGH*." Winston: (Derek) *WHEEZE* I swear, I gotta *PUFF* stop smoking! *HUFF* D: My Master does not smoke. Ray: [groan] > "You still have Super Fire?" Tristan asked, Ray: (Derek) Yes, I do. SUPA FAIA BOMUBU!!!! D: (Tristan) AAH! [Burning sound] VO Derek: IAI! It's 'Chou Ka Bombuu!' Get your Japanese terms correct, and don't rely on romaji for everything! >referring to "Super Fire Prowrestling X Premium," a wrestling game that >Derek had downloaded quite a while earlier. Ray: And we should know this? Peter: I guess so... Winston: Relevance factor, ZERO! Egon: MRIGHTHGH!!!! AAAGGG!!! Peter: Egon's gonna die, isn't he? D: No, he will stop before that happens. Egon: GAAAAHHH!! D: Then again... > Derek pointed to D. "All my major projects and other junk are in a >partitioned drive in D's memory core. I've got Super Fire, TSoSF, Falkyn, >'the Professor and Mary Ann, here on Giligan's Isle!'" Peter: --the hell!? Winston: I have no idea. > "What?" Brandon asked. All: (except Egon, who was still being strangled) EXACTLY! > "Sorry, my brain's still working on half-oxygen. Give me a minute >and I'll be fine." Peter: Hell, take an hour... Ray: Watch it, he does have two hands, you know... Peter: Oh yeah...[zips his collar up] > After giving D another look, Brandon asked, "Are you working on >anything else we don't know about?" Winston: (Derek) Well, Sexworld just put in an order fo--ARGH! Peter: Sorry, Winston. Had to stop ya! [Sound of a fist striking a palm echoes] D: He may just have to. > "A couple top-secret projects that are classified at the moment," was >Derek's reply. "You'll have to wait until they're done." Ray: (Tristan) [tapping foot] OK, how about now? Winston: (Derek) No, not yet. Ray: (Tristan) How about now?! Winston: (Derek) Go home, Tristan! Ray: (Tristan) *sniff* But I'm lonely!! [bats his eyelashes at Winston] Winston: (Derek) Aah! > "O-kay," Tristan said. "I'm lost here..." Peter: Welcome to the club! [Egon falls to the floor with a blue face] > "Just don't think about it," Derek said. > Winston: Man, that's your answer for everything isn't it. The world's being bombed...don't think about it..SHEESH! > A while later, Derek and D were working on another of Derek's >projects: a small, four-man spacefaring vessel. Ray: Four-man? Peter: Ecto-1000?!?! Winston: HE built it!?!? Ghostbusters: (minus a strangled Egon) AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! IT'S A CONSPIRACY! [Total chaos breaks loose. The Ghostbusters are all over the theater, clawing their way out] VO Tory: Sit your little paranoid butts down! VO Derek: We should have gotten the Sailor Senshi, they're less paranoid. Ghostbusters: SAILOR SENSHI?! AHHHHHHHHH!!!! [Chaos continues to run rampant] VO Derek: See! Besides, the senshi are bijin, ne? > "Artigrav generator?" Derek asked. > "Check." Peter: I take cash... Winston: You slut! Peter: Dammit, I'm not a slut! Ray: [VERY sarcastic] Oh yeah, we forgot. You're just 'friendly.' > "How's the fuel assembly check out?" > "Nominal. Life-support systems are working at peak effiency. No >breaches in outer bulkheads, and engines are functional. The Blackhawk is >ready to fly, Master." > All: (except Egon who was still knocked out) Thank the Lord it was the Blackhawk! VO Lord: Now what did I do!? VO Satan: NO, GWAY! VO Lord: Aah! Peter: I HATE THAT! AHHHHHH!!!! > ------------------------------------------------------------- Winston: Everybody lambada!!! Ray: [breaks out a pair of maracas] Coochie coochie!! Peter: RAY! Ray: What? > Technical Specifications: Blackhawk > Type: 4-seat scientific spacecraft > Powerplant: Four 35,000 lb.-thrust F119-PW-100 turbofans Peter: This reminds me of that time we went into space and Ray said, "Wow, 10,000 pounds of thrust, right in the seat of the pants..." D: Peter... [points upward] Peter: Oh. > Max Speed: Approximately Mach 5 in atmosphere, sublight speeds > can be attained in space Winston: Isn't that the only place you can perform sublight speeds? > Range: Approximately 1 parsec with maximum fuel > Weights: Empty 42,000 lb.; loaded 65,000 lb. Winston: Whoa, the Blackhawk's loaded! D: That was not humorous, Winston. > Dimensions: Ray: (Blackhawk) 36,24,36. I'm a growing spacecraft, ya know! > Span: 35 ft. 5 in. > Length: 27 ft. 8 in. > Height: 10 ft. 3 in. > Wing area: 500 sq. ft. > Weapons: One M61A1 Vulcan 20-mm cannon w/ 500 rounds Peter: Neat. SYPHON FILTER!!!! Ray: Dear God, not that game again. Winston: ? Ray: I'll tell you later. Peter: Ray's just pissed he can't get pass the board with the helicopter! > ------------------------------------------------------------- Ray: This is how long Egon's been knocked out. Winston: Well, he's pleasantly pink now. Egon: (stirring) --da hell happened? Peter: Don't talk, it'll only get worse. VO Derek: Indeed! Muahahaha!!! IMPENDING DOOM! [Cue Egon's 'impending doom' effect] > > Gleefully rubbing his hands together, Derek said, "We can't test this >baby just yet. D, run a couple simulations to see if the Blackhawk can >reach exit velocity, survive re-entry, you know, as much as you can think >of." Winston: (D) Even smash it with a sledgehammer!? Ray: (Derek) Aah! D: I would never do that! Ray: Unless you were reprogrammed... D: I would hit anyone and everyone with the Rocket Fist before that occurs again. Winston: D caught the paranoia bug. D: Being trapped in space with you four is enough to hit even an android with paranoia... Peter: HEY! > "I will, Master." > "While you do that, I'll fine-tune the controls." Egon: I.e. *create* the controls. Winston: Egon, I suggest you shut up before he strangles you again. D: I agree. VO Derek: And so do I! Egon: Eep! > Derek climbed the access ladder and hopped into the front seat. He >ran his fingers along the various switches and controls. "All these are >clearly labelled, right?" Peter: Left! > "Correct." > "Let's see: 'Afterburner,' 'Vulcan Cannon,' 'Cannon Reload,' Ray: 'Ghostbuster Torture,' 'Peter Whipper,' 'Winston Bomber,' 'Egon Strangler...' Peter: Uh...What about you? Ray: What about me? Winston: 'Ray's innards and physical being crushed into a pulp if he don't shut up now!' Ray: YIPE! Egon: Ray, watch your back around Winston. I think he wants to hurt you. Winston: I do not! I love Ray like a younger brother...the kind you kick around. Ray: [face scrunches up] WAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Winston: Aw hell, Ray. I didn't mean it kid...OK. Ray: *sniff* OK. D: How touching. >'Emergency Eject,' 'Engine Start.' Heh, heh, just a few simple switches and >the control throttle are all I need to pilot our Blackhawk." Winston: (Egon) [deadpan] How...exciting. Really, I can barely stay in my seat. Peter: [starts to laugh] That's how Egon sounded at his birthday party! Egon: Did not! > "It is so simple, even someone with an I.Q. of one hundred could use >it." Egon: Unfortunately, Peter's was 95. Peter: Watch it, Spengler! > "Fortunately, nobody with an I.Q. of a hundred will sit in this seat >as long as I'm pilot." > Winston: I took an I.Q test a while back. Ray: What did you get? Winston: A 130, above average at least. Thank God. Peter: I got a 130, too! VO Tory: Me too! Egon: Amazing. Peter: (sarcastically) Har, har. What did you get Einspengler? Egon: 180. [a big demonic grin breaks out] Ray: Really, Egon? I got a 181! Peter: Whoa! Ray's smarter than Egon! Egon: (merely miffed) I.Q does not measure intelligence. D: Then why is it called the Intelligence Quotient? Egon: Shut up, tin can. D: Idiot. You couldn't fathom my infinite intellect. > Finally, the Blackhawk was ready for flight. Derek called Brandon >and Tristan to experience the thrill of navigating deep space. Peter: And just how deep was this space?! Ray: I swear, that had to be nasty. D: It just wouldn't be a Venkman comment if it wasn't. > "Awesome," Brandon said, putting his hand on the side of the 'Hawk. >"How'd you make this thing?" > "It's best not to think about it," Derek replied. "Shall we hop in?" Peter: There's that response again. Winston: That's pretty scary. > Tristan gave him a look, and said, "Is this illegal?" Egon: (Derek) Only in about 50 states and 11 provinces. Peter: (Tristan) Aah! > "Not at all. I wheeled and dealed my way into four old Pratt and >Whitney engines, the Martin Marietta Vulcan, and five-hundred spare rounds >for the fragger." Egon: Fragger? EWWWW! D: Not that! My master would never say something like that! VO Derek: ...Well, don't be too sure, D. I have been known to say some just plain stupid things before... > "I designed the Blackhawk similar to the F-twenty-two," D announced. >"It is the most advanced fighter jet in existence, and it was only natural >that its design would be reflected in the Blackhawk." Ray: D does alot of announcing in this. D: Indeed, I do. > "Does it work?" Tristan asked, not taking his eyes off the 'Hawk. > Derek replied, "We've only run a few simulations, and it's yet to >actually go up, so we're not sure if it works or not; it's a risk I'm >willing to take. The real question is: are you two ready to take the 'Hawk >into space?" Peter: Would you do it? Ray: We are here. Peter: Damn... > They agreed to make history. Winston: By being the first idiots burned upon re-entry. VO Tory: Winston agrees to make history. VO Derek: By being the first idiot burned in a theatre. [Peter, Egon and Ray start to scoot frantically away from Winston] Winston: AHHHHHH--*KABOOM* D: Oh dear, more skin to scrape off the seat. Peter: BLEH! > > "Fuel topped up, afterburner vents clear, vulcan loaded," Brandon >rattled off the checklist. Egon: They have ammo? Who are they planning on meeting? E.T's army!? D: We were merely planning for that contingency. You never know if an extraterrestrial interstellar spacecraft is just around the planet. > "Let's rock and roll!" Derek announced, and hit the starter. Ray: [singing] Here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go! Egon: [singing in a high pitched tone] We're gonna rock and roll! We're gonna moooove ya soul... Peter: [singing in same tone] We're gonna make you grooove, everybody mooove. Everybody moooove yeahh... Peter, Egon & Ray: [singing] EVERYBODY MOOOOOOOOOOOVE YEAHHHHH!!! Winston: [covering his ears] AHHHHHHH! SHUT THE HELL UP! D: [smoke pours from his ears] Deactivating audio receptors. *CLICK* [A blissful expression crosses the android's face] > The four Pratt & Whitney engines roared to life. Peter: He had name brand engines? The snob! D: We could have used General Electric, but we went with Pratt & Whitney. > Derek turned to his friends. "Prepare for Mach three, guys!" Egon: (Derek) Prepare to have your skin ripped off and flapped in the wind! Ray: (Tristan) It's nekkid time! Winston: (Brandon) AAH! > The Blackhawk ripped over the treetops, pulling two Gs. It was >surprisingly quiet for such speeds. > "Whoa!" Brandon and Tristan cried in unison. Peter: "AAAAH!" the Ghostbusters cried in unison. [short pause] Ghostbusters: AAAAH! D: Paranoia is high today. Ray: No, its this level everyday! Peter: Ray, you're suppose to be panicking! Ray: Sorry. Ghostbusters: AAAAH!!!! > "You ain't seen nothin' yet!" Derek told them. "Three G's is exit >velocity, so prepare yourselves!" Ray: Man, that's the exit velocity of a taco bell burrito! Peter: Now *THAT* was sick, Ray! Ray: I've learned from the best! [grins at Peter] Peter: I'm hentai, not disgusting...there is a difference. D: Not really. > He pulled back on the throttle, and the Blackhawk went up, almost >vertical. Peter: [starts laughing] Vertical joyride! Egon: Huh? Ray: I think it's hentai, but I mi--EWWWWW!!! PETER! Winston: That was awful. Egon: [finally understands] HARF! D: [pounds his metal fist into his palm] Would you accept a Rocket Fist, Peter? > "Master, the second engine is running in the red!" > "See what you can do, D! I can't back out of this now!" Egon: As always, he relies on D to get him out of trouble. Ray: Kind of how Peter always relies on us to get him out of fixes? Peter: Ray, shut up. > The Blackhawk cleared Earth's atmosphere, and Derek said, "Space, the >final frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Blackhawk." Egon: He is going to get sued SO bad! Peter: Yeah, lotta ripping off going on. VO Derek: Shut up before I rip YOUR skin off! Peter: Get Tory to do it and maybe I won't complain. VO Tory: I wouldn't touch you even if I was paid! D: I don't believe there is enough money available. > "I am cutting power to the second engine," announced D. "I will see >what I can do with it for now. Master, I am detecting an uninhabited >artifical satellite approximately thirty kilometers from our present >location. Egon: The dreaded Ex-SOL. Peter: That SOL should stand for S-rmgoruhg?! Winston: Don't say it, we've all thought it in the past. Ray: So true! >From this distance, it seems to have breathable oxygen within. Shall we set >course for it?" Egon: Why not? You've done everything else. D: I enjoy working for my master, Egon. > Derek silently nodded and changed course. "What're the coordinates?" > "Three-two-nine mark six-eight." > Peter: six-nine! Ray: eighty-six the six-nine talk! Winston: Well six-nine does involve the mouth.... Egon: WINSTON! Winston: ARGH! The longer I'm here the more I'm becoming hentai! D: I am currently in the process of designing an anti-hentai program which you may be interested in, designed to dispose of Peter's influences. > The Blackhawk entered the shuttlebay, after D patched into the >satellite's computer and opened the bay doors. Winston: Watch for the aliens. Use the ripper, use the damn ripper!!! Peter: Winston? Winston: Sorry, had a Duke Nukem 3D flashback. Peter: Oh. VO Tory: Hmm, that gives me an idea. VO Derek: Huh? [Tory whispers to him] OH! MUHAHAHAHAHAR! VO Tory: MUHAHAHAHAHAHAR! D: That would mean: You're screwed. Winston: Aah! > "The satellite appears to have been abandoned for some time. It is >connected to an underground science laboratory on Earth via a thin data >transfer cable. I would surmise this is the 'Satellite of Love,' formerly >inhabited by Mike Nelson." Egon: Argh! It IS the ex-SOL! Dammit, I guess we'll be showing up in this story soon. Peter: As long as we don't wear sailor fukus. Ghostbusters: ARGH! D: Iai! > "So THIS is the famous SoL!" Derek took a moment to look around. >"In all my life, I never expected it to be real!" Peter: You, too?! > "Master, if you would permit me to stay here and monitor this >station, I am sure I could find many uses for it." Egon: So, that's how you got here! D: I like it. Not that many irritants around...well, at least then... Ray: Haha, tin can. D: Chubby one. Ray: Enough with the chubby cracks! > Derek walked over to Brandon. "You think I should let D stay here?" > "If he wants to. It's his choice." Peter: Dear lord! You *WANTED* to stay?!?! D: [nods] Affirmitive. > After a short conversation, Derek allowed D to stay behind, with one >proviso. "Give me the location of Deep Thirteen, so I can send you data >from time to time." > VO Tory: So that's where we're at? Well, I'll be! Peter: You didn't know where you were? VO Tory: Nope, I thought it was Derek's lab! VO Derek: You mean you never saw the big sign right over there that reads "Deep 13"?! VO Tory: [puts on her glasses] Oh, there it is! > The four friends fixed the engine on the Blackhawk before it went >back to Earth, Winston: Better to fix it before leaving, than having it explode upon take off. Egon: You're asking for another fireball. >leaving D behind to study the old satellite. Every week, Derek takes the >Blackhawk to Deep 13 to exchange data with his creation, and all ran >smoothly until a craft of unknown configuration, bearing four passengers, >landed at the SoL after running into a meteor shower. Those four were the >world-renowned "Ghostbusters." Winston: AHHHH! Egon: I told you so! > Since then, D has helped them to repair the heavily damaged Ecto- >1000, Egon: He has not! I remember Ray and myself slaving over that vehicle! Ray: The only thing he did was destroy it when we tried to leave! D: Well, I would have been lonely... >and in their spare time, they use the Mystery Science Theatre, now renamed >"FanFiction Theatre," to read works of fan-fiction sent to the "Vault of >Fan-Fiction" from Deep 13, which is primarily the "Falkyn" series that D >itself helped write. Winston: Just a darn second! Where's Tory's part!? Egon: Yeah, there's nothing in here that says how Tory got involved. VO Tory: Atashi wa nazo! Ray: Not funny. Peter: What did she say? D: "I'm mysterious." Winston: This is interesting. Egon: Just like the vampire? VO Derek: 0_0 *drool* VO Tory: Leave Windy out of this. VO Derek: But, she's so kawaii... Winston: Eww, I've got a cavity. Peter: Forget kawaii...that woman is a HOTTIE! VO Derek: For once, I'm gonna have to agree with Pete. Egon: Can we leave please? [They stand up and exit the theatre] Egon: If you excuse me, I'm retiring for the night. Peter: [muttering to Ray] To look at porno flicks. Egon: I heard that! *THWAP* Peter: OUCH! Winston: You really ask for it, don't you Peter? Peter: Egon needs to embrace the freak within. He shouldn't be ashamed that he's used handcuffs and french ticklers... Egon: Keep it up and your ass is mine! Peter: Oh really? [wiggles his eyebrows] Ray: I'm going to be sick. D: I have had enough, myself. [D pushes the button] [ FWOOOOOOOOOSH! ] \ | / \ | / \ | / \|/ -----O----- /|\ / | \ / | \ / | \ [Screen goes dark, voices are overheard] "So I'm a freak huh?" "The biggest." "Well, most freaks have whips, right?" "Egon, I was only--" *WHAP* *WHAP* *WHAP*" "OUCHIE!" "CALL ME KING!" "That's my line!" *WHAP* "HEY!" "Sorry, Derek!" ________________________________________________________________________ "The Origin of D" by: Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) SHAMELESS PLUGS: You can find the rest of Falkyn the MSTing at: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com/Falkyn Tory's Real Ghostbusters Webpage: http://winston_zeddemore.tripod.com Komera Waddi's RPG and Interactive Stories: http://www.geocities.com/TimesSquare/Stadium/4989/ EMAIL US! Tory L. Brown (tory_brown@yahoo.com) Derek Floyd (dfloyd84@yahoo.com) _________________________________________________________________________ > Derek pointed to D. "All my major projects and other junk are in a >partitioned drive in D's memory core. I've got Super Fire, TSoSF, Falkyn, >'the Professor and Mary Ann, here on Giligan's Isle!'" Peter: --the hell!? Winston: I have no idea.